


Drag Me Down

by thebaberuthless



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Anal Sex, Coming out of the Closet, Eventual Smut, First Time, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Porn With Plot, Slow Burn, Smut, Young Love, and stuff happens, keyblade masters in training go to the pub, long game, mlm, young dumb and full of u know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-03-02 06:14:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18805375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebaberuthless/pseuds/thebaberuthless
Summary: Two bored keyblade masters in training strike up a deal to go out and have a little fun instead of being cooped up in the castle. What sparks is something of a romance, though neither one of them know how to say that exactly.This is the story of love, uncertainty, and a lust for power that will drive two men past the brink of their own destruction.Oh, and there'll be smut.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first chapter in a many part series of a slowburn fic me and my best friend are writing. We're taking lots of liberties with canon and what training as a keyblade master means. 
> 
> There's eventually!! Gonna!! Be!! Smut!!

"I'm bored," Xehanort said as he picked up his king and used it to unceremoniously knock over Eraqus' queen. Was he about to lose? Yes. Was that a perfect time to decide he was bored and needed to do something else? Also yes. 

The young master-in-training leaned forward on his elbow, chin resting on the palm of his hand. A stark white brow quirked upwards and a fox-like grin spread across his face. "Entertain me."

Eraqus rolled his eyes as his Queen clacked against the board and rolled away into his Knight. 

"Entertain you?" He asked, not at all puzzled, but manipulating his voice to sound that way, "What? You don't like this game anymore?"

He looked at those amber eyes with a half smile.

Xehanort felt a little laugh lift up and out of his throat. It was a rare sound. He was too serious for his own good. 

"Oh, I just don't like when you whoop me soundly for the fifth time in a row."

Eraqus quirked an eyebrow and continued grinning.

"Always ready to change or end the game when it looks grim, huh?" 

The raven-haired boy sat up straight and stretched, leaving the board as it had been as he looked outside the windows they so often played next to. 

The sun was long gone from the horizon. They'd been playing for hours. The gas lanterns were lighting the space around them in a warm, yellow glow, but still, seeing was becoming a chore. The breeze that came through was gentle and cool. 

Eraqus rose from his spot and straightened his robes. 

"It's just as well. I was getting tired, anyway..."

Xehanort felt himself smile. Maybe it looked more like a sneer. 

"That's just good strategy, Era," he said as he watched the other boy stand up. Xehanort was a sore loser, it was true. But the thing he liked to lose the least was Eraqus' attention. So he leaned back in his chair and stretched out like a happy cat, hoping the little display would get the other to stay with him a little longer. He'd never admit it out loud, but these stolen, quiet moments were his favorite. 

"Such an old man," he teased. "Ready for bed before dark."

Eraqus turned around, but only enough to give the silver-haired boy some side-eye. 

He was pretty in that halo of candlelight, but Eraqus would never admit that. He squashed the thought way down, glad that the dim light probably hid his facial expressions. 

"Tease me all you want, Xe," he turned back around and waved nonchalantly as he started walking away, "But the masters praise a well-rested student over a tired one."

Xehanort's mind started to race. Eraqus was walking away and no matter how much Xehanort wracked his brain there was nothing he could think to say to get him to stay. 

Get up? Or stay? 

One option made him seem a little desperate while the other left him Eraqus-less. 

He got up and took a few fast steps so he was now walking in stride with Eraqus. "The masters," he mocked. "Oh, the masters are half hungover themselves. Did you see the artificer in his shop this morning? Falling asleep over the ever-burning lamps. You need to live a little."

Score: 1, Eraqus.

Eraqus' footfalls matched Xehanort's in time and pace and he pretended he didn't enjoy that ever so much. Eraqus cast a sidelong glance at the other boy, laughing as he spoke.

"Live a little? I suppose you mean staying up till dawn playing games with you?" 

He fussed with his robe again. It seemed to slip around a lot. He smirked. 

"Or do you mean something else?"

Xe folded his hands behind his head as they walked, giving off the impression of laziness despite the fact that he was trying so, so hard here. 

"The fact that you don't know what I mean by live a little tells me all I need to know," he said. When they came across a break in the wall down the long hallway, Xehanort turned and leaned against a pillar, pointing to the world outside for a moment. 

"You know. There are other things to do out there."

"Xe. We should be sleeping..." 

Eraqus paused, looking over Xehanort with kind, but slightly tired blue eyes. He wasn't particularly unamused...far from it. He was actually quite interested in doing something perhaps a little offbeat with Xehanort, but his sense of duty and responsibility was often overwhelming. He'd have to learn to relax. Xehanort seemed like the guy to try and teach him.

He sighed, shoulders drooping as a grin crept across his lips. 

"Like what, Xe? What do you have in mind?"

Even if it was a small win, Xehanort counted even the slightest inquisitiveness from Eraqus as a mark in his column. He tried not to seem too smug about it. 

"That's half the fun right there," he said as he gestured to the outside world. "I don't have anything in mind. That's the point. We just... walk out there and see what happens. Maybe a little drink, maybe a little dance." Of course, he meant with girls don't be silly. "And by the time daybreak comes, we can stumble into our quarters and sleep for an hour or two before we have to get back to... this."

The raven-haired boy crossed his arms and quirked an eyebrow. He knew what the answer should have been. It should have been a definitive "No, I'm going to bed."

But with the excitement in Xehanort's voice, his knees got a little weak. 

Probably Definitely just from being tired.

He pointed a finger at Xehanort.

"A compromise..." he was smiling, "We go out. We're out for an hour or two. We come back and sleep. Fair?"

Xehanort's eyes lit up and his grin turned into a verifiable smirk. Now there was no hiding the smug expression that plastered itself across his face. It was a win, and Xehanort liked winning very much. 

"Okay, sure. A few hours." He nodded and it was almost convincing. A compromise. Right. 

He turned on his heel and made his way out the door to the courtyard, which might not have seemed like the most conventional way to leave this castle but... Xehanort had been sneaking around this place for long enough, he knew his way around. "This way, then."

Yeah. He knew they weren't coming back. But, Eraqus also knew if he needed to return, he could always just leave Xehanort to his own devices.

...though that may not be civilly responsible.

Shrugging that particular thought away, Eraqus followed the silver-haired boy with a fair amount of masked excitement in his steps.

"Why this way?" He looked about, realizing this was not exactly the way he'd normally leave, "There's...an actual door, Xe...right out the front?"

Xehanort just kept walking, the swagger of youthful arrogance in every step. He called over his shoulder, "I know a shortcut!" 

And he did, it seemed. The castle looked pristine and unshakeable from the outside but, spend enough time on the inside and you start to learn where all the cracks were. Xehanort led them through such a crack, down a long hallway, and then out through a ladder that led them to what seemed to be a well on the outskirts of town. 

"And now we don't have to answer anyone's questions about where we're going. As far as the master knows, we're safe and sound. Snug in our beds."

"So...we're being deceptive...?" He smirked as he hopped down from the ladder and immediately straightened his white outer robe like the fussy little man he was. 

He didn't particularly mind, as he felt it was harmless enough, but he nonetheless wanted to point it out to Xeha. If for no other reason, it was excellent teasing fodder. 

Clapping his hands together, he looked about.

"You lead. I have no idea what I'm doing."

Xehanort had no problem with being deceptive. It might have been how he got so far in training as a keyblade master. If he was good at anything, it was being deceptive. 

"What's new?" he said as he turned and walked backward to face Eraqus with a teasing grin. "Do you ever know what you're doing?" 

He turned back around to lead the way, smoothing out his hair and straightening his clothes as well. The folks in this town knew what to expect from all the students training to be keyblade masters, he didn't want one of them to alert the masters to them being out of the castle after hours. A good impression, and all that. 

The streets were familiar to him. This wasn't the first time he prowled them at night. 

"Alright, here are your options. There's a pub down the road. It's kind of loud but it's easy to blend in. And there are docks over there," he pointed. "Quieter. Most of the time. Though it is Saturday so... you never know what you'll find."

Era, of course, was bound to pick the quiet option on any day. He was the student the masters would find curled up in front of the fireplace with a book or practicing in the sparring area after hours...not out and about. 

But, knowing Xehanort, he had an option that he preferred...

And again, knowing Xehanort, it probably involved maximum attention potential.

"The pub, then...wouldn't want to be spotted."

Xehanort would be lying if he said he wasn't surprised by Eraqus' choice. The pub was louder, more people. Was that a selection for Xehanort's benefit? 

He didn't let himself linger for too long on the thought. He just turned and headed in that direction as if it was the way he was planning on going all along. 

When they arrived, Xehanort shoved the door open and they were met with the noise of the patrons inside. It wasn't so packed today, most of the students that liked to sneak out of the castle and party were down at the docks by the bonfire that was inevitably happening. But there were enough people in the place that the two of them were inconspicuous enough. 

"You want something to drink?"

Eraqus...immediately regretted his decision. He hoped Xe was happy...because he didn't know if he was. 

The place smelled strongly of earthy hops and sweat. Not exactly what he liked, but he'd smelled it on Xehanort more than once. 

He shook his head with a grimace and spoke perhaps a little louder than intended over the other voices, "No...but, you go ahead..."

So many people...with big, silver steins of yellowy drink, most of them red-faced, sweaty, and loud.

"Do you...come here often? Do the others spend time here?"

Xehanort was already making his way to the bar, leaning over and rapping his knuckles twice against the worn, polished wood. He flashed the bartender two fingers and within thirty seconds he had to mugs of frothy... something in his hands. 

Not the best listener, clearly. 

He pushed one of the mugs into Eraqus' hands as he sipped his own. "I come here once in a while," he said, pointing to a corner of the room where it seemed as though a band was beginning to set up. "Music on Saturdays. Sometimes I can even coax these old fuckers to dance." 

He cast a lazy glance in Eraqus' direction. "If I ever get that old... just take me out."

Eraqus sniffed experimentally at the frothy mug of...bleh and looked up at Xehanort with a grimace before he took a tentative sip. 

It wasn't...awful. But it wasn't good.

He looked at the older people in the room and shook his head. He wasn't about to comment on the dancing...if he did, it might prompt Xe to ask him to try it. 

He wasn't sure he was ready to be that embarrassed yet. 

"Xehanort, if you get that old, you should be grateful. Many are denied the privilege..."

Xehanort had to stop himself at rolling his eyes at that one. He waved his hand to dismiss the thought. "Privilege," he said with a puff of air to follow. 

He turned his attention fully to Eraqus now. It was so easy to do that, to focus on nothing else. For a second he didn't hear the din of the tavern and he didn't see the probable barfight starting on the other side of the room. 

All he saw was that man. Those eyes. The sweet roundness of his face and those lips... 

He has to snap himself out of it. 

"Well. What do you plan to do next?" He asked, looking anywhere but Eraqus now. "When we're... official masters."

He thought, just for a second, that Xehanort had given him a look...a look he'd seen Xeha give a pretty girl once or twice. Why he knew Xehanort's specific looks was a bit concerning, but, as he did with so many of these thoughts involving the silver-haired man, he pushed it down. Waaaay down. 

"Oh, um..." Eraqus admonished himself silently. He rarely thought it was proper to 'um'. He hated the way Xehanort seemed to bring those cognitive pauses out in him.

He took a huge gulp from his mug and shook his head as he swallowed, "I'd like to teach other apprentices...I love kids and...I love teaching. You?"

"Honestly that doesn't surprise me one bit," he said as he swirled the last of the liquid around in his glass before downing the rest of it in one gulp. "Me? I want... more. I don't know what more is exactly but... I just have to have more than this. I hope to God I'm never ever satisfied."

Spoken like a true misanthropic snob. 

The band started to play. It wasn't too bad and as the bar started to fill up it gave Xehanort a reason to get a little closer to Eraqus without seeming weird. He smelled nice. 

But after an hour or two of idle small talk, Xe started to get antsy. Was it the drink that had him feeling all warm in his tummy or was it something else? 

He looked to Eraqus and bit down on his lower lip before jerking his head toward the door. "Let's get out of here."

"Oh..." Eraqus had just started to tap his feet to the songs and had finished the last of his one drink in comparison to Xe's four or...was it five?

He shrugged, "Alright...we should get back, anyway. We do need some sleep."

Eraqus cautiously took some steps away from Xehanort, carefully minding his slightly strange movements that...were sluggish at best, clumsy at worst. 

When they came into the cool night air, Eraqus looked at him with concern. 

"Xe, are you okay?"

Xehanort couldn't look at Eraqus. He just couldn't. Because if he did... he'd start thinking again. Like he always did when he was drunk. No. It would be fine. He'd stumble home and find relief buried deep in one of the girls training to be masters. 

Wouldn't be the first time. And Eraqus was so damn pretty. It was easy to close his eyes and imagine it was him instead of the groupies that hung out around the castle. 

He turned and headed down the alley only to be stopped by Eraqus' question. He turned to answer it and instead crashed into his body with such purpose. His hands snaked around the neck of the other, diving into his hair, as he crushed their mouths together in a sloppy, heated kiss.

Eraqus hadn't seen it coming. 

Looking back, he could say he should have...but in that moment, he had no idea what was happening.

He'd froze at first, after almost catching Xehanort and then ending up with his lips and tongue working wonderful, terrifying ways against his own. 

He was still as a statue, heart pounding, cheeks flushed...He'd never relax again.

...But oddly enough, he started to.

As Xe's warm, hop-tinged, tongue plunged into his mouth, he inhaled hard through his nose and felt his shoulders start to fall loose and his eyes fluttered shut.

His hands caught in Xehanort's shirt, right behind his shoulder blades, and gripped the fabric as if it were a lifeline. 

He was kissing Xehanort.

...actually, Xehanort was kissing him.

His mind almost wouldn't accept it.

There was something intoxicating in Eraqus' kiss. It was familiar if a little bit different from the people he normally kissed. His jaw was strong and he tastes vaguely of hops and something distinctly minty. It was masculine. 

Xehanort was far from sexually repressed in the sense that he had a lot of sex. But it was never the sex he wanted to have. And now that he felt that masculine frame up against him, his body went into hyperdrive and he could feel himself stirring to life in his slacks. 

He didn't like it. He wouldn't acknowledge it. It was just a goddamn kiss. 

He took a step forward, easily guiding Eraqus to the rough brick wall of the back of the tavern and pressed him there, his fingers tugging as they tangled in that raven dark hair.

Eraqus hadn't meant to allow that breathy, moany sound come out from between his parted and invaded lips as his back hit the wall, but it did. 

He knew Xe was strong...but this was a different kind of strength. Something Eraqus had never felt that shook him to his core and turned his belly to a mess of hot butterflies and cruel shivers. 

Why was he doing this? 

Why was he allowing this? 

Worse yet, and the question he would never ask out loud: Why'd he like it so much?

His fingers flexed and gripped at those strong, hard muscles of Xe's back...

And, speaking of hard, he was doing his best to keep that problem under wraps. If that wouldn't be helped, he kept trying to back his hips into the wall to gain some distance so Xehanort would at least not feel it through his clothes.

He failed to remain the composed, mild-mannered man who was up to be a Keyblade Master in the moment he moved his lips in time with Xe's and tasted his tongue with sudden urgency. He didn't know where it came from, but it was something he couldn't stop.

Xehanort needed to come up for breath at some point. He cursed his lungs and their need for breath in that moment because he was sure, absolutely certain, that the spell would be broken the minute their lips lost contact. 

It couldn't be helped. He pulled back and looked down at Eraqus, his lips flush pink and swollen. It only made him want him more. 

And Gods, he wanted him bad. 

"Come back to bed with me," he asked without fanfare. Normally he would invite a girl to his quarters with the promise of a cup of tea by the fire, a warm place to sleep. But there was no such dressing for Eraqus. 

Whatever this was it needed to be known. Not disguised as something else. 

"Just for a little," he pleaded as he peppered hot kisses along the others jaw.

Eraqus felt his jaw fall open, and his hair made a scraping noise against the bricks of the wall as his breath hitched in his throat as a shiver raked up his back. A trembling exhale tumbled through his lips. 

Oh, God, he was desperate for this. And he hadn't realized it til now. 

His entire body was shaking. His mind wasn't communicating with his limbs anymore. They were on autopilot and were chasing every sensation Xe wanted to give. His hands desperately searched for any skin, anything to grab. Eraqus ground his hips into Xehanort's, not caring--or perhaps he wanted him to know-- that he was very into this. His chest felt so full--like it would burst if he only let it. 

And all from one stupid kiss.

As that voice invited him to bed, he nearly shuddered into an immediate "Please, yes," but as his mind began to connect its parts again, he had to reason with himself. 

"B-bed? Xe..." He couldn't articulate what he wanted to say, "I...I'm not sure we should do that--oh, God..."

The lips on his jaw would kill him, he was sure.

"Ah, Xe--," Eraqus bit his lip, "Xe, we...we shouldn't be doing this--"

Xehanort wasn't thinking with his head at all. For a few minutes, all that mattered was the hazy, swirly feeling in his head and the man in front of him. He could feel slim but strong fingers pawing at him, he could feel Eraqus' hard length pressing into his thigh with every little roll of the smaller man's hips. 

He was protesting, right? A gentleman, a true gentleman, would have let it end with that. A no meant no, right? Anything other than an enthusiastic yes was a no, right? 

But Xehanort wasn't a gentleman. He was a street rat who got selected for an elite program, nothing more and nothing less. Humble beginnings did not a gentleman make. 

So he listened to the underlying tone of Eraqus' words instead of what he actually said. He listened to the heightened pitch of his voice, the stuttered breathing in his ear. 

"Shouldn't we?" he asked, his lips a fraction of an inch away from the shell of Eraqus' ear. He dropped his hand down from the other's hair and used it to cup that growing bulge in Eraqus' pants. "You sure?"

"Hhh--Xe--," he gasped and rolled his hips into the touch, suddenly blushing madly and his eyebrows knit together, almost casting an angry look at Xehanort.

Reasonably, allowing any of this to continue was not only wrong, crazy, irresponsible, and immoral, it would also be career suicide.

Sensationally, allowing this to continue would be...god. Would it be as good as Eraqus was hyping it up in his hazy mind? He'd never even been kissed until tonight. 

He'd be lying if he said he didn't want the white-haired man to keep touching him.

...and lie, he did.

Well. He tried.

"Xehanort, I can't--what's gotten into you?"

He bit his lip for a moment before he shook his gaze away and took a grip on Xe's wrist as if to stop him. Eraqus tried to take a few stabilizing breaths and banish his filthy thoughts from his head.

Xehanort hoped that all it would take was a little extra encouragement to get Eraqus to come to a puddle at his feet. It was that easy with the girls he had been with in the past. Hell, all he had to do was flash sad eyes and buy them a drink and they were lining up for a turn in his quarters. 

It only made sense that Eraqus was different. Just how different it would turn out to be could never have even occurred to him at this moment. 

He pulled back, still caging Eraqus against the wall as he tried to compose himself. He let his forehead fall and press into the other's shoulder for a second as he caught his breath. Then, after a short second, he straightened up and adjusted his clothes. 

He paid no mind to the sharp redness of his cheeks or his badly injured ego. 

"You're-- no. You're right, of course. Apologies, friend. It must have been something in the drink," he turned his head, avoiding all eye contact now. He wanted no more conversation, anything else from Eraqus would just be an attempt at easing his embarrassment and he wouldn't tolerate that. 

"I need some air. I'll see you tomorrow."

Eraqus remained disheveled against the wall as Xehanort began to depart. 

His fingertips pressed into the bricks behind him, trying to rid them of the tingle and deep urge to reach for that beautiful boy. 

His chest moved in steady, deep breaths after a few moments and some distance. 

He didn't have words to say...and was never one to be falsely comforting, but he was concerned now that his hormones were leveling out. 

"Will you be alright walking back on your own?"

Xehanort didn't turn around. He didn't even cast a glance over his shoulder. He knew if he did it would be game over for him and he'd embarrass himself all over again. 

He just lifted his hand and waved his fingers dismissively, eyes set on the pitch black horizon. "I've walked home from worse than this," he called over his shoulder before turning out of the alley and back towards the way they came.

Eraqus slumped forward as Xehanort rounded the corner. 

He pushed himself off the wall and fixed his clothes and his hair as a final shiver ran up his spine. 

Eraqus suddenly felt terrible. He knew he'd bruised Xe's ego and he was used to that...what he wasn't used to, was not following his heart. 

Had he done so, they'd be wrapped together on their way to Xe's bedroom.

But...he'd made the right call. 

Right?

Surely it was all to do with the booze.

Yes.

Eraqus headed back to the castle after he was certain he wouldn't catch up to Xe inadvertently.


	2. What You Do to Me

Eraqus was decidedly uninterested in breakfast that morning. 

He poked lazily at the pile of yellow eggs and yawned quietly into the back of his hand. 

The seat across from him was empty. For once he was glad. Well...maybe not glad...relieved?

He hadn't slept a wink after the display in the alley with Xehanort last night. Every time he thought about it, he'd flush red and overreact. 

It'd been everything he could do to not take matters into his own...er...hand.

But he'd managed. 

He stared at his eggs, trying not to remember the way Xe tasted.

\--

It was a miracle that Xehanort got out of bed at all. But if he was anything, he was a proud man. And there was no way in this hell or any other that he would let it seem as though he was genuinely hurt by anyone else's actions. Or by his own. 

Oh no, he was fine. By the time he left his quarters, he looked much the same as he did any other time. He got his breakfast quickly and sat down at his typical spot across from Eraqus. 

"Good morning," he chirped as he dug into his food. He was fine. Absolutely fine.

Eraqus nearly jumped out of his skin as he saw Xehanort. His back straightened and his face flushed red. 

He narrowed his eyes for a moment, trying to comprehend why Xehanort was so...fine?

...perhaps he didn't remember?

He forced himself to speak.

"Good morning, Xehanort...feeling alright?"

"Feeling fine, Eraqus," he said. He still couldn't meet the other's eye, no amount of pretending to be fine could make that happen. 

He stuffed another scoop of eggs in his mouth, his left leg bouncing in impatience and glaringly obvious sexual repression as he ate. 

"Ready for another day of keyblade training. What about you?"

"Oh...alright..." Why'd Eraqus feel a little depressed about that? 

Moreover, why was he suddenly angry that the previous night seemingly mattered so little to Xehanort that he simply didn't even acknowledge it?

He set his jaw and pushed himself up to stand. He suddenly didn't feel like eating. 

The raven-haired boy grabbed his plate of untouched food and nodded at Xehanort as he walked away. "I...suppose. I'll see you out there..."

There was a sick sense of satisfaction in Xehanort's heart when Eraqus got visibly angry for a split second. 

There. Now they were even, right? An eye for an eye?

"Sure. See you out there," Xehanort said, his voice a teasing him. He made damn sure to sit there and eat all of his food. He took his sweet ass time and kept himself parked firmly in his seat until the warning bell sounded from the clock tower. 

Then it was off to training. It was a special kind of torture that the masters organized their schedules this way. Training after eating left everyone feeling a little sick. Maybe it was some kind of hazing they just never got to grow out of. 

Xehanort walked into the courtyard and picked up the false keyblade that they used to train with. He hated these things. They felt like toys in his hand. 

He squared off against Eraqus. Now, he met his eye with a steely gaze.

\--

Eraqus remained stone-faced as Xehanort looked him in the eye for the first time that day.

His big, white robes had been shed and laid over the bags of sand they used for weight lifting and training. His black undershirt was still warm in the sun, but...it still felt better than the long sleeves and oppressive warmth of that robe.

As he looked into those lilac eyes, the sun felt hotter. 

Eraqus squared up, wooden keyblade poised and heart beating out of his chest as his eyes flickered from Xehanort's eyes to literally anything else.

\--

By the time Xehanort arrived in the courtyard, it seemed as though Eraqus had steeled himself against his frustration. Good, Xehanort thought. Maybe they could put this unpleasantness behind them. 

He squared his chin and narrowed his eyes. While Eraqus had always managed to outwit him, Xehanort's skill lay in strength. Sparring was his forte. 

"Begin," came the stern voice of the master and on cue, Xehanort began the steps of their first sequence. It was beginner stuff, first year training, and he and Eraqus had no problem keeping up with each other. After four moves, the master blew the whistle again. 

"Starting positions," she called. With almost no time to get there, she said, "Begin." 

As the training went on, they moved up in difficulty. Xehanort remembered the steps, remembered the motions but made the mistake of locking eyes with Eraqus. He stumbled, and Eraqus' wooden blade crashed into his shoulder. 

It wasn't often that Xehanort was bested in battle. He dropped his fake blade and glanced around the courtyard. No one was even looking, even the master was so caught up in teaching the younger students that they didn't see Xehanort's misstep. 

But Xehanort knew. 

Ever the sore loser, he turned and stalked from the courtyard.

As he began to stalk away, Eraqus was tempted to let him go lick his wounds and pout… But something in him wouldn't allow that.

"Xe, come back..." He followed for a few steps. "Our master's not through with us."

Xehanort turned on his heel, his face hot with failure and embarrassment. 

"No, she's not, is she," he said, his voice a low growl. He stooped to pick up his sword and held it in his hand. "Begin," he mocked under his breath and began to swing at Eraqus with precision and skill.

Eraqus reacted without much thought and blocked Xehanort before wrenching his keyblade to the side and leaving his core open to attack. The raven-haired boy did not move beyond that...merely kept the wooden edge of the blade pointed at Xe's chest.

...something was getting to him today.

And Eraqus didn't have to think hard to figure out what.

"I know you're better than that," he didn't quite tease, but he knew he was going to push a button. He made eye contact and gulped hard.

Xehanort was bested again. He stared at Eraqus with such intensity it could have easily been mistaken for hatred if the onlooker didn't look close enough. 

Eraqus was right. Xehanort could do better. 

For a moment the young keyblade master closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. On his exhale, his eyes snapped open to reveal amber eyes, clear and focused. 

And this time when he attacked it was with all the skill and grace that the masters had seen in a younger version of himself, back when he was selected to train. Xehanort was fast, he was cunning, and he had no problem delivering powerful blows that clattered loudly against Eraqus' keyblade.

Eraqus couldn't and didn't stop the grin that came across his face.

This felt better. This was even.

The raven-haired man kept his guard up and blocked Xehanort's attacks, but not without difficulty. He was, however, driven back continually until one of the Masters noticed and blew a whistle to attempt to stop the pair of them. 

But there was something about this...

Their keyblades crossed in front of Eraqus' face as he pushed back hard against Xehanort, eyes locked and breathing heavy. 

Were...they always that color? Certainly...he didn't think so...

He brushed it away. 

Xehanort was in his element. This, right here, this execution of strength and skill was what he was meant to do with his life. By now, the rest of the students had stopped what they were doing to watch the impressive sparring match going on. 

When Eraqus stepped left, Xehanort went right. When Eraqus swung, Xehanort ducked and went for a counter attack. 

Maybe he was a little too rough. A particularly forceful blow knocked Eraqus off of his feet. 

The master stepped in and silently cast a spell that drove the two apart with a gust of air. "Enough, boys," she said as she pointed to the clock tower above them. "You're going to be late for theory."

\--

Eraqus' eyes remained focused on Xehanort's for a beat too long. In a blink, his eyes were back to that beautiful purple color...

He'd have to ask about that later...when he wasn't actively thinking about tearing off his clothes...

The raven-haired boy shook his head and stood up straight before he placed his wooden keyblade where it belonged. 

He grabbed his robe and rubbed his sweaty face on it before he slung it over his shoulders and gathered his books.

"Come along then, Xe...We shouldn't be late."

Theory was Eraqus' element. 

He was an able enough swordsman, certainly, but he was admittedly just the smallest shred more apt to enjoy book learning than Xehanort was.

The difference was the fact that Xehanort didn't try...he didn't have to. He was good at everything. A natural. He was charming and handsome and brilliant.

Eraqus fought for every tiny morsel of what he had. He trained all the time. He studied constantly. He actually took care of his wavy black hair.

And still, the two were so evenly matched that if given enough time, they may have actually thought it was odd...

But they never spent that much time thinking about it. 

As he made his way down the hallway, he hoped Xehanort would catch up…

\--

Xehanort was a little slower at getting ready. He wiped the sweat off his brow and dressed for theory. Their master there was strict and always seemed to have it out for Xehanort. Or... at least that's how Xe saw it. 

In reality, maybe if he had taken it seriously things would have felt much different. 

He took off down the hallway once he had managed to get himself decent again. "Hey, wait up," he called as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

Eraqus had already slowed his typically fast gait to try and walk beside the silver-haired man. When their footsteps fell in time, he opened his mouth to speak. 

"Is...something troubling you, Xe?"

He didn't try to look over at him, just kept on moving, eyes forward.

He knew what it was. Or at least he thought he knew. And Xehanort had every right to be weirded out. 

Eraqus also felt a bit off about what had taken place the night before, but if Xehanort refused to acknowledge it, there was no point in trying to reconcile it even if it did make Eraqus bristle to think that something as terrifying and amazing as that could be glossed over. Lost to time. Simply ignored and swept under the proverbial rug.

...but the other side of that meant that Eraqus wanted to talk about it. Almost wanted it to happen again. And that was an entire can of worms that he wasn't certain he wanted to open.

Xehanort's ego was an overripe peach. Too easily bruised and there was just no getting it back. And there was a large part of him that wanted to needle away at Eraqus' memory of last night. Make him doubt it ever happened. Maybe that would be enough to make it so Xehanort could look him in the eye again. 

"Nothing that doesn't trouble me every time I go out and drink too much," he said. But the bite he meant to put in his words just wasn't there. 

\--

Ah. So this was a common occurrence. Eraqus' face fell a little. That tiny speculative feeling that he may have been special or at the very least not qualify as a mistake seemed to flitter away. 

But then, why did it matter to him at all? 

Again. That damn can of worms. 

He wanted to ask him directly. Just spout off and ask, “Do you remember pinning me to a wall last night or not?" But class was starting...And he didn't have time. 

"You probably should not make a habit of that...it leads down bad roads."

\--

Xehanort wanted Eraqus to be the one to break, dammit. He wanted him to ask him if the night meant anything just so he could pretend like he didn't remember. So he could sit there and like he hadn't spent an hour in his shower the night before imagining Eraqus' body pressing against his. 

But he didn't. Of course, he didn't. Eraqus wasn't one of the others. He wasn't weak-willed. If there was ever a match for Xehanort's call to self-preservation, it was Eraqus. 

He seethed. This was all backfiring. 

He practically stormed to class with half a semi-demanding to be noticed. 

Theory was miserable. As usual, Eraqus shined. And as usual, Xehanort hadn't done the homework. 

The entire time, he sat there staring at the back of Eraqus' head. Finally, he broke down and passed a note to the only friend he had. 

_I'm sorry. I behaved inappropriately last night. I have no excuse._

Eraqus had taken the note with a half-hearted glare. This was against the rules and Eraqus believed in rules and regulations… not above all else, but above most things.

He unfolded the note cautiously, trying to remain quiet as the paper crinkled in his fingers. 

He read the words...and blushed. 

So...he did remember...

And...he did acknowledge.

But last, and perhaps worst of all… he was sorry.

Oh. 

His shoulders fell. 

Alright. Fair enough...

Eraqus penned a note in return.

_What's done is done...but if you don't have an excuse, do you have answers?_

Xehanort could practically feel Eraqus' irritation growing as he passed him the note. With each passing second, his anxiety grew more and more intense. What was Eraqus thinking? What was he writing? 

He took the note and read it. 

The question Eraqus posed truly was the question of the hour. Did he have an answer? 

it depends on the question, I suppose.

Another quick swap. 

Eraqus replied with two little words. One syllable a piece. 

But the question was beyond loaded. And Xehanort would know that. 

_Why me?_

Well. Now there was a predicament. 

To tell the truth or cut this off at the pass before it could turn into something problematic. 

First, he wrote down: you were there. 

No, that wasn’t right. He crossed it out and tried again with: why not you? 

But that didn’t seem right either.

Maybe the truth then. 

_I don't know._

\--

Oh...

Eraqus felt a very, very odd shiver go through him. 

He was...partly miffed, partly intrigued. 

Now...how to respond. 

He could play it cool and leave Xe wondering what he was thinking. 

He could admit something...but. No.

Eraqus penned a few things...

And quite nearly passed the note back to Xehanort. But as he felt fingers on the paper, he quickly yanked it back and shoved it in his pocket.

\--

Xehanort's fingers almost closed around that paper but before he could get hold of it it was gone. He scowled, glaring daggers at Eraqus as he waved his fingers and tried to get him to give it to him. 

Oh. He was getting that note. 

One way or the other.

\--

Eraqus ignored him until the end of Theory. 

When class was dismissed, he rose to his feet and gathered up his books. 

He didn't wait for Xehanort at the door...he'd have to catch up if he wanted to talk.

But Xehanort was ready to go before the clock tower signaled the end of the hour and they were dismissed. He practically ran into Eraqus as they went down the hallway. 

He was lucky he had always been known around school as a bit of a douchebag. So it wasn't at all alarming to anyone around them when Xehanort immediately began to search Eraqus' pockets. 

"What'd it say," he said, keeping an air of playful joviality about him for the sake of the others. But there was a much different sort of feeling going on under the surface. An excitement growing in his belly. "C'mon. What'd it say?"

"Hey!" Eraqus swatted at his hands and tried to wrench his pockets back behind him to avoid those busy fingers. "Nothing! It didn't say anything, come on, Xe!"

He gathered up his robes in his hands, books falling to the floor, and shoved the bulk of them behind his back--which he then slammed into the wall behind him. 

If it wasn't completely obvious before that the note did, indeed, say something, it was then.

Eraqus blushed, highly embarrassed as the note fluttered to the floor by his feet. 

He never even noticed.

But Xehanort did. He noticed it in a big way. But, ever the deceptive asshole, he just smirked and went on teasing Eraqus for a few more minutes. 

He couldn't let on that something had happened. If he wanted to get that note, he needed to make it convincing enough to get Eraqus to storm off. 

So he kept poking and prodding at him. Maybe it was also a bit of an excuse to touch him. 

"Come on. It's only fair, Eraqus. Give it up."

"It's--it was nothing, Xe. I promise!" He was almost giggling. Almost. But then he realized if he did, Xe would feel like he'd won. 

He looked at the white-haired boy with a fair amount of agitation growing in his face. He didn't appreciate being cornered and poked at. "Xehanort. Stop." 

When he didn't, Eraqus bent to grab his books and walked off with a shake of his head.

Xehanort felt like he won anyway.

He watched as Eraqus walked away, ensuring he was all the way down the hallway and turned before he went down to pick up the paper. 

He slid it into his pocket and ran his fingers over the creases, too afraid to open it just yet.

Eraqus dumped his books on his bed with a huff. He was so irritated. Irrationally irritated, but irritated nonetheless. 

\--

First, he apologizes...then he decides to pull that teasing crap?

Eraqus ripped off his robe and pulled his hair down from its typical style. He ran his fingers through it to get the knots out as he tried not to seethe. 

It hadn't been that bad. 

On a normal day, he wouldn't even be mad...

Eraqus did smile, however, as he looked at his robes on his bed. 

At least Xe didn't get the note.

The raven-haired man happily began rifling through his pockets to properly throw the note away...or perhaps burn it. He hadn't decided yet. 

Hmmm. Not that pocket...

Oh...not that one either?

Oh. Try the FIRST one again...

Oh no.

Curse that white-haired menace. He had to have taken it. Eraqus raked his fingers through his hair with an audible groan before he took back off into the hallway.

Perhaps he'd dropped it.

\--

Xehanort made a quick line to his quarters. The entire way there, his hand was in his pocket, fingers closed over the note that wasn't his to read. 

There was no real question whether or not he was going to read it. He knew himself. Knew he had the self-control of an irate toddler. But still, he did feel a little guilty. 

But only a little. 

He closed the door to his room and begun the ritual of winding down for the day. He put things in their proper place, folded his robes and tucked them away for the next day. It was like he was testing himself, proving that he did have control over the Eraqus situation after all. 

But oh, that note. It burned in his pocket. 

Finally, he sat down and unfolded the paper, smoothing it out so he could get a good look at it. 

And as soon as he read it, his mouth watered. His heart thudded a little faster in his chest. The pit of his stomach swirled. 

_Any chance it could be me again?_

Oh, this was good.


	3. Killer + The Sound

Xehanort waited until it was late. He knew Eraqus didn't like breaking the rules and being out past curfew but he also knew that he wouldn't rest until that note was found. 

He crept through the hallway and smirked when Eraqus was exactly where he thought he'd be. Checking the hallway for his missing note.

"Looking for something?" Xe said as he approached.

Eraqus nearly tripped over his own feet. He brushed his loose black hair back from his eyes and straightened his posture in a feeble attempt to appear nonchalant.

"Not at all..." he lied. God he lied…

Xe got closer, walking with all the swagger of a man who knew too much.

"Hm. You're out late."

Era narrowed his eyes.

The body language wasn't lost on him. It was predatory...flirtatious...

And he was...captivated. But also, still mad. "You are, too...what are you up to?"

See, without the mad, Xehanort wouldn't have been as interested. That fury was what drew him to the fox in the first place. It was well hidden behind that sweetheart face and innocent eyes but he knew it was there.

"Oh, I'm always out past curfew. Are you hoping to make it a habit now?"

Eraqus crossed his arms over his chest and scoffed.

Of course, he wanted to go out with Xehanort again… he was just stupid enough to think that maybe he'd end up pinned to a wall again with Xe's hands all over him. Why the hell did he want that? Still… he shouldn't. He needed to be a good example. He wanted to mentor children in the future… he had to be responsible. And he was pretty sure Xehanort was just teasing him anyway.

With a look that lasted maybe a moment too long, he spun around, abandoning the hunt for the note in the name of disappointing Xe. "Good night, Xehanort..."

Oh, and disappointed he was. He watched Eraqus storm away again. It seemed as though this was the view of the other he should just get used to seeing. 

The thought made him smirk. 

Xehanort rushed forward and caught up to the other in record time, fingers closing around his wrist and spinning him around to face him once more. 

"Your room’s in the other direction," he said with a knowing smirk.

Eraqus threw his head back with an exasperated sigh… mostly trying to hide the blush under an irritated facade.

He almost relaxed into the touch… but then ripped his arm away. "Yeah… thanks."

Xehanort wanted to do it again. He wanted to grab Eraqus and kiss him and drag him back to his room but this was just a touch too public, too close to home. "I can walk you back. You seem a little lost."

"I'm fine." Era shook his head with a sigh as he started toward his room.

He really was fighting with himself. He wanted so badly to be kind and vulnerable because that was how romance should have been...

Seriously? Did he just think that?

"You can if you want, but I know my way..." _I've just been hopelessly distracted by the local asshat._

Xehanort followed Eraqus for a while more, hands deep in his pockets as he watched him like a hawk. What did he even say next? What should he do? He was usually so damn good at this. People fawned all over him the moment he flashed his pretty eyes and said a few magic words. 

But he had no idea what to even try with Eraqus. 

"Come back to mine," he offered for the second time in less than 24 hours. Another thing that had never happened before.

Eraqus paused and pressed his lips together in a tight line as he looked over his shoulder at the white-haired boy. 

He was so pretty...and he seemed like he was asking with such sincerity...

But should he say yes? Or simply go to bed?

"And do what, Xe? What after I'm in there with you and your door is closed?" Era turned the whole way around to face him.

Xehanort figured that honesty was the best policy here. It worked once that day, anyway. 

"I don't know," he said with a one-armed shrug, his voice low. "The offer is there, though."

Era huffed, the blush on his cheeks growing before he turned his eyes away. He wanted to be there, tucked away in Xe's room where no one could see… Lord help him. "Alright..."

Something in the air changed then. It was practically crackling with electricity. Xehanort told himself in the empty seconds as he waited for Eraqus that this would be the last time he asked. He didn't beg or grovel for anyone's time or attention and if Eraqus wanted to stay on that side of friendship, so be it. He wouldn't push. 

But God, he was hoping for a yes. 

And then he got one. 

He nodded and took off down the hallway with a newfound vigor in his step. There was no swagger there now, just the hurried excitement of a man trying to get somewhere without being caught. 

When they were both safely inside his room, Xehanort paused. Now they were out of the way of prying eyes and ears. And he looked at Eraqus like a hungry predator.

Era found that gaze and nearly swallowed his tongue. He suddenly felt like the very incarnation of all things awkward but did his best not to show it. "Well? What now? I'm in your room. The door is shut."

What now? What now? That was a good question. Xehanort usually knew what to do in these sorts of situations. 

But Eraqus was a man. And this was all terribly new. 

"I don't know," he said, mirroring what he has written to Eraqus just a few hours before. He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. 

Xehanort sucked his lower lip into his mouth and weathered it between his teeth for a second. 

"Yesterday? That kiss? It wasn't a mistake."

Era looked up, feeling his chest tighten as Xe spoke.

It wasn't a mistake

Of all the things it was, it wasn't a mistake...

Why was that confirmation of something so big? Why'd it make Era want to punch him and throw him on the bed at the same time?

Eraqus put his hands on his hips. "Say it again. Look me in the eye and tell me you meant it."

That was a tall order. Xehanort had found a particularly interesting bit of floor to focus on instead of looking at Eraqus at all. But he knew that all this was over if he didn't man up. So he looked Eraqus in the eye. "It wasn't a mistake. On my part, at least. I wasn't drunk, I wasn't mixed up. I wanted to do it."

Era nodded, biting his lip and trying not to scowl. He raked his hands back through his hair.

It wasn't a mistake...

"You wanted to do it..."

Eraqus squared up with Xe in the room. While Xe had some inches on him, Era was still intimidating. "If you're telling the truth, do it again."

Xehanort could tell that there was a part of Eraqus that believed that this was some kind of a cruel prank. Xehanort was capable of a lot. But... when it came to Eraqus he always tried to be truthful. Or at the very least some semblance of kind. 

It stung a little. But it was probably a well-earned helping of mistrust. 

He swallowed both his fear and his pride and stepped forward, closing the distance between himself and Eraqus. Over and over again, Xehanort had to remind himself that they were safe and sound tucked away in his room. No one would see. 

"Okay," he said, his voice shaking some. Without the alcohol, he was a little less brazen. 

And he kissed him. It was nothing like the kiss from the night before, which had been heated and sloppy. This kiss was small. It was quiet. But it was real.

Eraqus was actually surprised.

He'd told him to do it. And he was still surprised. And he didn't have any room for cognitive thought. He swallowed an involuntary sigh in a half a second before Xe got close enough.

When their lips met, Era felt his heart beating out of his chest and his eyes flutter shut. Hearts, why were his lips so soft...why'd he smell so good? 

Era let him linger as his hands found their way to rest on Xe's chest. He tried to inspire him to keep going by pressing a little harder in return...but this was such a bad idea.

Xehanort lifted his hand to cup the side of Eraqus' face. The feel of it was different than the others he had kissed before, but not so much so that it was entirely unfamiliar. Eraqus' face was soft, but his jaw was strong. His thumb stroked back and forth against the skin of his cheek. 

If it was a bad idea, Xehanort didn't notice or care.

Era pulled back just enough to take a quick breath. He still felt like he was breathing in all of Xe and it was, in short, amazing...

But could he admit that?

...He'd have to gather more data.

"Feel anything?"

Xehanort lifted his hand to press against his lips before dropping it down to tentatively rest on Eraqus' hip. 

"I mean. Something. What about you? Hmm?"

Era gulped. 

He couldn't admit anything...could he? Did he dare tell Xehanort how even the slightest contact sent him into orbit? How he so often searched for any and every excuse to be next to him? Did he seriously have the testicular fortitude to tell this man, this one right here, that he was desperately head over heels and potentially embarrass himself for the rest of his life?

Era studied Xe's face.

Hearts, he was pretty...and so amazingly, unapologetically himself...Eraqus admired that. 

He couldn't lie...

Eraqus took a step back and looked away. 

Not answering wasn't a lie...

"I need to go to bed..."

Xehanort felt the beginnings of that bruised ego again. He frowned deeply, not moving from the spot where just a second ago he had laid a piece of his heart on the line. He was silent for a second or two as he tried to figure out what to say. 

Finally, "Go then. I'm not stopping you."

Era paused, his hand on the doorknob. 

He had a choice to make...

And he was about to make a bad one.

As his hand quickly flicked the lock and he heard it click into place, he knew he was wrong, but he didn't care. 

He turned to face Xe, cheeks flushed and hands trembling.

"I just said I needed to go to bed...didn't say I was leaving..."

Xehanort took a slow breath in, fully expecting Eraqus to leave. He crossed his arms over his chest and tried to cut himself off physically and emotionally. 

And then Eraqus turned around. 

"Oh..." he said as he sucked in a little breath, dropping his arms down to his sides.

Now he didn't know what to do. His bluff was called. 

"...now what?" 

Now what???

"Now we sleep." Eraqus removed his shoes and then his pants, leaving his undergarments on, and sat down on Xe's bed. He couldn't have slept with all that billowy fabric around his legs, but he was aware that Xehanort could misread that as an invitation. 

Era was eerily calm and he knew it.

"If I get seen sneaking out of your room at this point, it won't matter what we do..." He shrugged, "In the minds of our peers, everything would have happened."

Xehanort sort of froze at that. Sleep certainly wasn't on his agenda tonight. But as he watched Eraqus undress without fanfare, he felt a stirring of something other than unbridled hormones in the pit of his belly. 

But what it was exactly was lost on him. 

"I guess you have a point," he said, trying to sound begrudging despite the fact that he was quite intrigued as to how the rest of the night was going to go. 

Xehanort undressed. There wasn't much to it, he just rid himself of his clothes and tossed them into a basket in the corner of his room. And soon he stood before Eraqus wearing nothing but his underthings. 

Typically when he got naked in front of people there wasn't a whole lot of looking going on. They were often pressed to close together and busy with other things to pay much attention to the physical state of their bodies. But here with Eraqus, he felt seen. 

"Move over," he said as he approached his bed, climbing in and settling into the empty side. He propped up the blankets and invited Eraqus under.

Era tried not to emote and was fairly successful...

Until that moment.

Hearts. If this was turning him red, Xe would surely see it.

He gulped. Another choice to make. To face Xe or turn his back. Both were good and bad for varied reasons...but if he turned his back, maybe he wouldn't be so tempted to do more research. 

Eraqus slid himself under the blanket. Back turned to Xehanort. The bed wasn't big and he apologized quietly as he felt their bodies touch for a half a second and he laid his head down with a huff.

Xehanort, however, wasn't making any such apologies. He let his chilly legs and feet immediately tangle with Eraqus', pressing his chest to the other's back and slotting their bodies together. He wouldn't be terribly cliche and say it was a perfect fit, but it was pretty damn close. 

His arm draped over Era's side. He could sense the other's tension and true to form, said, "Lighten up, Era. We're fully clothed. You don't have to lay there like wood plank." 

And then, to seal the deal, he leaned forward and kissed the shell of the other's ear.

Era almost melted. Just that little bit of contact sent the worst shivers up his spine, but he couldn't let Xe know that, so he half-heartedly elbowed him in the ribs.

"Sleep. Please."

He gave a little groan as Eraqus elbowed him. 

"Fine. Sleep."

And though he meant his words to have some bite in them, they didn't. Xehanort actually felt content here. 

And though he was one to fight tooth and nail for what he wanted, though he would eventually go on to tear a hole in the fabric of space and time and ruin countless lives in the pursuit of a dream, for now, he was content to settle for less than what he wanted. Because anything with Eraqus was better than nothing at all.

Era felt bad for being disappointed in the fact that Xehanort didn't actually try anything else, but he was so oddly proud that he didn't say any more about it.

He fell asleep fast and felt like morning came in a flash. 

As Eraqus blinked his eyes open, he found himself staring directly into Xehanort's pouty-lipped, sleeping face. His long, white hair was everywhere and he was holding Era right to his body.

The raven-haired man felt beyond safe like this...And he hated that as much as he was enjoying himself.

He lay there a moment, contemplating...

But simple contemplation never yielded results. One had to act to obtain answers.

And act, he did.

Following the pangs of warmth in his chest, Eraqus pushed himself forward, brushing his tight lips against those relaxed ones...And he felt his entire body heat up. 

He didn't care that it was morning. He didn't care that they'd overslept...

He cared about one thing.

"Xe...wake up..."

Xehanort, on the other hand, had a more difficult time falling asleep. The events of the evening had woken him up, made his mind tumble over itself. So it wasn't until the sun had started to creep into his window that he fell asleep. 

At the sound of Eraqus' voice, Xehanort stirred. He didn't pop his eyes open, though. He was still off in dreamland somewhere.

"Xehanort?" Sheesh...this guy slept hard. 

As he relaxed back into his spot, he decided to simply take a few moments to study the situation, to consider some things. He brushed away some stray white hairs from Xe's face. 

He had some options. He could keep kissing him and wake him up in a way that would rock Xehanort to his core...

He could shake him awake and take clear advantage of him. That would be something else.

Or he could catch a glimpse of the clock on the wall and realize that they'd missed half of their physical training already this morning oh HEARTS

...that's what happened. That third option. 

Eraqus flew into a tizzy and started shaking Xe roughly as he started getting up and yanking his pants on.

"XE. GET UP. WE'RE LATE."

Xehanort's eyes snapped open in alarm. The way Eraqus sounded, the room was on fire or something. He shot upright in bed and gasped something indecipherable as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

"Wh-- late?" he moaned before flopping back in bed, dark-skinned torso peeking out from the river of blankets. 

"Oh, come off it, Era. We're more than late. We're absent. Come on just... stay a little," he cooed as he turned to his side, propping his head on his hand.

Eraqus had never missed a day of training in his life. He'd never been late before. Ever. In his entire life.

He was panicking.

"You may be comfortable shirking off your studies, but I'm not!"

He didn't have his outer robes. He didn't have his books or anything. His hair was a mess of knots and it wasn't even up. 

Kingdom Hearts, he was a whole mess. And now his face was bright red.

Xehanort just watched Eraqus freaked out. It felt a bit like they were simultaneously existing in two different timelines, he was moving so fast compared to Xehanort's utter lack of movement. 

"Era, it's one day," he said with a dissatisfied humph. "Relax a little."

Eraqus huffed.

It was so much more than being late to class. It was so much bigger than that, but Xehanort would likely have no concept of why he was truly wigging out at the moment.

Era had gone out on a limb, which was something he never did. He'd picked the least safe option for once in his life and wound up screwed. Maybe he just wasn't meant to take risks or do whatever he wanted like Xehanort could.

He started for the door.

"I have to take this seriously, Xe."

"One day off in four years of training isn't 'not taking this seriously' Eraqus," he said, voice a little more heated than he meant it to be.

Eraqus threw the door open and almost stumbled out.

"I knew sleeping with you was a mistake."

When he looked up and saw a few snickering students...he knew he'd fucked all the way up.

Era quickly ducked his head and stormed off, metaphorical tail between his legs.

In an instant, Xehanort's nonchalant attitude turned to one of absolute fear. His blood went cold, he was sure he could actually hear his heart thudding in his ears. 

But it wasn't because Eraqus had walked out. At that moment he worried about nothing but the world finding out something that he himself wasn't even fully aware of yet. And now what felt like a wall of students (though it had only been two or three) saw him in a compromising position. 

He was what, nearly naked laying in bed looking like the cat that caught the canary when the door opened. Then what Eraqus said? 

Xehanort rushed forward and slammed the door shut, but not before warning the first year students exactly what would happen to them if they told a single soul what they saw today. Even if what they saw was technically entirely innocent. 

Then it hit him, what Eraqus had actually said. 

A mistake. 

Oh. 

Xehanort didn't go to class that day.


	4. Heaven's Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psst. There's smut in here!

In fact, Xehanort didn't attend class for a few days after that. He took his meals in his room, telling his exasperated professors that he didn't feel well, nasty stomach bug that kept acting up. And if there was a knock on his door, he didn't answer it. 

It was time to put distance between himself and Eraqus. He couldn't keep pushing for something physical and be met with Eraqus' denial every time. At what point did it stop being harmless flirting and start being something predatory? 

Those were the kinds of conversations Xehanort had with himself over the next three days while he sat in his room and licked his wounds like some kind of wild animal. 

It was on the fourth day that he came out of his room. But he didn't look like a man who had just been through some kind of personal hell. He just looked... better. 

He went to class that day and pointedly paid attention only to himself and to his work, which meant that he was one of the top performers of his class again. 

Pretending Eraqus didn’t exist would suck, sure. But it already sucked. He wasn't going to chase around a man for what might end up being nothing. He already felt like a fool.

Xehanort was preparing for bed that night when a note slid under his door. He looked down at it with a frown before picking it up and turning it over in his hands. 

_I've been a fool. I'm sorry. You are everything but a mistake...and I need to see you._

It had Eraqus' unmistakable handwriting. Xehanort almost tossed it in the garbage. 

But instead, he cracked it open and read it. Because he was a fool.

But how to respond? If Eraqus thought that Xehanort would walk all the way down the hall to Eraqus’ room to deliver a response in the middle of the night, he was sorely mistaken. 

Xehanort paused. Was that shifting movement outside his door? Was... was Eraqus just waiting there for him?

Xehanort scribbled a note back and slid it back underneath the crack at the base of the door.

_Open the door, you imbecile._

Eraqus had hesitated for a mere moment and it was long enough for a note to appear on the outside by his feet.

Messy. Nearly illegible.

Oh an imbecile, am I?

Eraqus threw the door open, half hoping he'd hit Xe with the door.

When he saw that beautiful brown skinned idiot, with his stupid white hair, and those pretty stupid eyes, he flew at him. 

"You--you frustrate me, do you know that?"

But Xehanort didn't look proud of himself or even ready for a fight like he usually would have when he got such a high compliment. He just stood there, brows together, watching Eraqus.

"I could say the feeling is mutual."

Eraqus slammed the door closed behind himself. He couldn't tell if he was angry or something entirely different, but it was ALL coming out in a hoarse, demanding tone. 

"That's not all. You make me question everything. You make me think things I shouldn't and feel things I shouldn't. So which feeling is stronger, Xe? Because I've been grappling with this for...for...too long."

Oh, so things were starting to get real. Now Xehanort's voice did heat up, and he rounded on Eraqus. "Oh. Do you think you're the only one questioning everything, Eraqus? Do you think I'm not just as confused and angry and unsure as you are? Because that's utterly insane."

"You..." He was derailed. He was disarmed. "You are?"

Eraqus' shoulders drooped as he weighed what had been said.

"You started this, though...I...I thought you had this figured out..."

Xehanort actually laughed. "I have no idea what I'm doing, Eraqus. I never have any idea what I'm doing. If I look like I know what I'm doing, I'm lying and doing a damn good job at it."

"But...when you..." He gestured dumbly, "and...when we...and you kissed me? And..."

Xehanort folded his arms across his chest. "Just because I know how to kiss people doesn't know that I... have this figured out. That's just not how any of this works. I stepped out on a limb, is all."

Eraqus took a step forward. 

He could barely even think...

And that's probably why he shoved Xehanort right about then.

"You kissed me. And you don't know what you're doing? Do you even know what you want out of this?!"

Xehanort went stumbling back but caught himself. He scowled and stepped forward, shoving Eraqus right back. 

"No! I don't! I just know I wanted to do it and I still want to do it and you know what? That's! Fucking! Okay!"

"You wanna do it?!" Eraqus voice was intense, but he was careful to keep it to a dull roar, "Then do it because I want you to!"

Xehanort stood where he was, scowl still on his face. "No."

"...No?"

"It's your turn. It's always me kissing you. If you wanna do it, do it."

Eraqus' lower eyelid twitched. Oh, this fucking guy...

He didn't have to go far, but it felt like a million miles as he pushed Xehanort back onto his bed and followed quickly enough to straddle his hips. He was a breath away from his lips in a millisecond and had pinned his shoulders to the sheets.

"You cocky son of a bitch..."

And without overthinking it, he slammed his mouth to Xehanort's, not unlike the other had done to him the first time.

Xehanort was utterly convinced that there was going to be nothing of the sort happening. He knew Eraqus. They'd been training together, pitted against one another in various ways since they were 12 years old. Eraqus might have been the only person Xehanort ever felt like he actually knew. 

And the Eraqus he knew would never do anything like this. 

But there he was all the same, back pressed into his bed, beautiful boy positioned above him, lips locked. 

And to think just a few minutes ago he was determined to never speak to Eraqus again. 

Xehanort's hands immediately found Eraqus' hips, keeping him anchored there, as he kissed him right back.

Eraqus almost, on pure knee jerk reaction, swatted the hands away. But when it registered that those hands were holding him there because Xe wanted him there he became oddly desperate.

Given that they'd already been here as far as the whole kissing thing went, Era felt little shame when he (possibly too exuberantly) passed his tongue between those lips to thoroughly give Xe something to think about. 

He had no idea what he was doing and it probably showed. Xe was the renaissance man, not Era. He also knew that if he was bad enough, Xe would likely take over.

Xehanort was too busy being surprised to lay there and grade Eraqus' kissing skills. But that surprise ebbed away as Eraqus got more brave, more involved, and soon it turned into a quiet little hunger that kick-started a fire deep in his belly. 

"I swear to Kingdom Hearts you look forged from steel," he muttered as his mouth busied itself with kissing the other's neck.

That comment and his steaming mouth managed to earn a breathy gasp of what might have been Xe's name, but he couldn't honestly tell. He wasn't exactly worried about it, either. 

"Xehanort, you don't need to flatter me..."

Eraqus could feel every inch of his skin turning red and, frankly, he was already as hard as a rock. It felt a little silly...but that rush of skin was enough to throw any shame out the window. 

His hands desperately threaded into Xe's white hair.

"I've...never done this so...I'll follow your lead. Okay?"

But once he was an expert, he fully intended to tip the scales in his favor.

He sort of hated that Eraqus thought he was just trying to flatter him, but that was a conversation for another day. 

"I've never exactly done this either," he said with a huffed laugh instead, "I mean, I may have more experience than you but... I think it's safe to say we're both pretty clueless here." 

Why was he talking so much? 

Nerves, probably. 

"Why am I nervous?" he asked out loud as he rested his head back against his mattress, looking up into those pretty eyes. "I've never actually been nervous before, but here I am."

Eraqus had to keep reminding himself to breathe which really, truly, was new for him. Normally? He was the cool-headed one. The one that always knew what to do or say...

"I don't know, but..." he adjusted himself on Xe's hips (totally not trying to see if he could, perhaps, maybe, possibly get a hang on this whole um...bouncing thing he'd heard about) and looked away for a second, "I'm nervous, too...It's as if I've got something to lose..."

Those words were heavy. He knew it. They felt like wet concrete as they spilled over his lips, but they had to be said. He was nonetheless, completely shocked that he'd said them at all, and sat there, stunned at himself.

"I'm...so sorry I didn't mean to say so much."

Xehanort didn't seem phased by the admission. In fact, it seemed as though he had been thinking the exact same thing. 

He reached up and brushed some of those ebony locks out of the others face and sighed a little, eyes narrowing. 

"Are we rushing? I don't want to rush."

Hearts, he gripped Xe's wrist and leaned into that touch like it was the last one he'd ever get. Like a needy, touch-starved, cat.

He breathed one big sigh. 

The inertia of the former moments seemed to slow. Eraqus relied on that feeling of urgency to give him courage and now that he had to slow down and think, it was draining away.

Were they rushing?

How fast was too fast?

He knew Xehanort was most likely asking for his opinion, not simply asking into the void. He was asking how he felt.

But Eraqus wasn't some wilting flower who needed Xehanort to proceed slowly. He wasn't some blushing sweetheart who was far too tender for their own good for whom exceptions needed to be made.

This was Eraqus. Someone people saw as trustworthy, kind, brave, and a stickler for following rules. He was sturdy.

And he wasn't scared. But he was nervous.

"If you feel rushed, then yes..." it was as much a jab as it was meant to affirm that Xehanort's feelings may have been valid.

Eraqus could have kept kissing Xehanort for days. He could have marked the skin on his neck until it looked like a purple mess. He...really could have done just about anything.

But if Xehanort, the King of leaping before looking, felt rushed there had to be for good reason. Eraqus would wander back to bed with a raging hard-on and a bruised ego if it meant he hadn't made Xe uncomfortable. That was the absolute last thing he wanted.

"Do you feel rushed? Or would you like to keep exploring?"

Xehanort's face went from looking vaguely worried to smug in no time flat. "Pff. Exploring." He said as his hands traveled up the planes of Eraqus' chest now. "Someone's been reading too many smutty novels." 

Then in a show of strength, Xehanort switched their places. It was his turn to press Eraqus into his bed, and as he settled himself between the other's knees he pushed any remaining worry from his mind.

Era fought the urge to yelp, and he fought it hard, but despite his best efforts, a tiny gasp escaped him. 

He knew Xe was strong, but wow.

And being called out for his literary choices with Xehanort between his legs did little to settle the blush staining his cheeks. He did manage a glare.

"They're erotic fiction and I'll have you know that if I was basing our actions solely off what I'd read, your 'turgid member' would already be in my hands."

He meant that to be smug, but it probably didn't exactly come off that way.

Embarrassed and aching to shut up, he took a grip on the back of Xe's neck and yanked him down into a rough kiss.

Xehanort's bubbly laugh was swallowed by that kiss. It filled him with a fire that ignited something in his belly. His hands supported him on the unkempt bed beneath them and his fingers twisted in the sheets as he tried to gain control of whatever was left of his sanity. 

"Off," he said as he sat up on his knees, tugging on Eraqus' shirt.

Eraqus nodded in reply and hooked his hands in the bottom of his shirt to lift it off...but quickly decided on another strategy.

He sat up, legs still spread around Xe's and he shook his head.

"Ask me nicely or I won't..." he ran his fingers along Xehanort's hips to tug at his pants. Era looked up at him and made eye contact, challenging him as it were, "or...you could undress me yourself."

That sudden switch from unsure of himself to coy and teasing knocked the wind clean out of Xehanort. Before Eraqus had given him the second option of taking matters into his own hands, Xehanort was truly about to ask nicely. 

But the presence of a second option made him clamp his mouth shut in a grin. He reached forward and hooked his fingers under the hem of Eraqus' shirt and lifted it off, happy to mess up his hair a little as he tossed it to the side. 

He then set to work on his own shirt, tugging it off and letting it join Era's in a pile on the floor. 

Then he was back on top of him, hungry mouth exploring all the sharp angles and curves of his chest and neck, hands moving to clasp around the other's wrists.

Era was trying so hard to not let on just how deeply he was into this entire fiasco. He didn't want Xe to feel like he had an upper hand in anything they chose to do (damn that competitive streak), but the shivers that ran from his back all the way up into his jaw wouldn't be ignored. He tried to breathe them away, but it all just came out in a shaky sigh that Xehanort had to have noticed.

Eraqus both loved and hated the way Xehanort had him pinned and forced another glare.

"That's hardly fair," he mumbled through the sensations to ground himself, but it wasn't working at all, "Now I can't touch you..." 

But he wasn't out of ideas. Even with the warmth and tension growing in his belly and his heart racing, he still was desperate to one-up the white-haired man...or at least that's what he told himself. That was easier to accept than the truth that he actually was completely needy and wanting Xehanort desperately.

With little thought involved at all, Eraqus felt his hips pushing against any part of Xehanort they could feasibly reach. A certain part of him was begging for attention and was going to get it if it killed both of them.

For someone with as much experience in this department as Xehanort was, he was certainly already panting like an overexcited virgin. His heart was absolutely pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his ears. His breath came out hot and heavy on Eraqus' throat. He was pretty sure his hands were even shaking a little. 

"Oh, now you know me better than anyone," he chuckled lightly. "When have I ever been fair?" 

And he would have kept taunting, except he felt that hardness press up against him and it made him nearly swallow his tongue. 

Hearts, he wanted him. He didn't even know exactly what to do with him, but he wanted him so bad.

Releasing Eraqus' hands, Xehanort sat up some and looked down at Eraqus, all red-faced and wild-haired. In a stunning show of bravery even for himself, he reached between them and let his palm drag up the bulge in Eraqus' pants, tracing the impressive outline.

When Xe let go of his hands, Eraqus suddenly realized he had no idea what to do with them.

And the jolt of Xe touching him, acknowledging him in that way? Hearts...he was afraid he'd make a mess already. 

"Oh, Xehanort, if you--hhnn..." He was already a mess of firing nerves and bad decisions, "Please, just. I'm begging..."

He didn't even know what he was asking, but he was asking. His body was trembling and he already had a wet spot forming on his trousers. He bit his lip both to shut himself up and out of embarrassment.

In any other situation, this would have been Xehanort's wheelhouse. Hearing someone beg was kind of his thing. He liked to feel like the most powerful guy in the room at all times but now? In this moment? He was too busy concentrating on the electric shock that was coursing through his body. 

He noticed none of Eraqus' embarrassment. He just swept his thumb over his length once more and sucked in a sharp breath that sounded almost like a hiss. 

Xehanort decided that from this position there wasn't much more he could do, so he repositioned himself so that he was in between Eraqus' legs, resting on his knees, supporting Era's lower back on his thighs. From this angle, it was much easier to dip his fingers into his underthings and tug them off. 

The reveal of taut thigh muscles had Xehanort rock hard. He paused, cheeks red, as he looked over the now naked boy in his bed.

Oh Hearts above

Eraqus absolutely gasped at any touch from Xehanort as if he was honestly surprised by it. He had no right to be this...this...don't you dare think sexy, Eraqus.

But he was. And he was gorgeous. And those hands.

Era did his very best not to react too visibly when the last of his clothing was taken off. The embarrassment certainly didn't go away, but it was easing up considerably. He couldn't think too hard considering his blood had all but abandoned his brain. 

There was officially nowhere to hide. 

"Xe," he snapped, half-heartedly, "Stop staring and get on with it."

That snapped Xehanort out of his stupor for a minute. Violet eyes locked with chocolate brown ones and he actually laughed a little. "Man, you're bossy," he said with a laugh to hide just how nervous he really was. 

But he swallowed back those nerves as he leaned forward and stole another kiss from feather-soft lips. He closed his fist around the base of Eraqus' cock and gave a slow stroke, wishing that he had grabbed the lube before he got situated here. 

He was careful instead. He kept his touch light, finally resorting to spitting in the palm of his hand to make the motion a little more smooth.

His heart raced, his own length throbbing with need.

"I am not bossy, I'm--,"

He stopped short of defending himself when his mouth fell open in a gobsmacked stupor and his eyes fell to Xehanort's in a look that almost read as pissed off. He couldn't believe this was happening. Almost couldn't accept it, even as the movements of Xe's rough and masculine hand made him want to come undone. 

How dare he make him feel this way? 

How dare he be this careful?

It was one thing to have a quick romp with someone, another entirely to actually be vulnerable like this. 

And as amazing as this felt, as much as it made him breathy and pathetic, he was getting nervous again. 

"Xe, you--hmm," his head fell back when Xe wet his hand. He gulped away the whine that threatened to bubble up his throat, "I--I need you up here. I'm...getting...just kiss me, you dolt."

Xehanort liked watching. He was at that point in his arousal where the more vulnerale he got, the more turned on he was. And he wanted to see Eraqus just as vulnerable as he felt. So he wanted to watch. 

It was different. Sure, he had jerked himself off about a million times before but this was his first time ever watching it from this angle. He was enjoying himself. 

So it was with a little pout that he leaned in and kissed Eraqus, but he didn't slow or still his motions.

As per usual, Eraqus was still clinging to the last vestiges of what he was sure was his sanity and having a terrible time letting go of his need to be in control of himself at all times. It was a fight with himself that Xehanort really may not have understood had he been able to articulate it through the pleasured sensations whipping their way through his body. 

He wasn't trying to sound mean, that was the last gasp of his mind before it was too late. 

Even though Xe seemed a little displeased, when he sealed their lips together, Eraqus saw sparks and all that fear was pushed away. He'd deal with it later. He could hate himself later. For now, he could let go. And when he did, he realized he was headed for an ending much quicker than he wanted to. 

Now, to be fair to Eraqus, he'd never been in this position, save for by himself. So when Xe pulled away, he found his gaze with a somewhat comical gulp before he bit his lip and lolled his head back in the most pathetic blend of a whine and a groan in history. 

If Xe didn't stop soon, this would be over for him, and for some reason, he didn't want that yet...Well, he did, but for the sake of continuing, he couldn't have that. 

His hand found Xe's wrist and he pressed, trying to make him slow down wordlessly, as it was apparent that he became just a shade of bitchy when aroused. 

Doing so, however, did not make it better.

He almost couldn't help the way his hips rolled just a little into Xe's touch, searching desperately for the right angle or speed or whatever his body needed as his face was stained just the most subtle shade of pink.

Xehanort could tell that Eraqus was getting closer and closer to the brink of his orgasm. And typically, as a gluttonous creature himself, he wouldn't ever deny someone that delight. But he wasn't done yet, damn it. And he happened to really like the pouty little thing Eraqus had turned into in the meantime. 

He pulled his wrist back and sat back on his heels to catch his breath. He wasn't even doing anything strenuous, he was just on fire from head to toe. A pink tongue darted out to wet his lips as he looked down at Eraqus with hunger. 

Xehanort moved so he was laying down beside Eraqus, turned to his side. His hand ghosted along the tight musculature of his belly as he leaned down and peppered his face with kisses. 

"I like when you're needy."

He almost asked Xe why he'd stopped, but the only thing that came out of his face was a whispered, "Shut up," that was obviously an attempt to deflect the comment, "I'm only needy with you--,"

Ah, shit.

What was meant to be a protest turned into an admission that he truly knew he'd soon regret, but at the moment, he didn't have the brain power to dedicate to that. 

Right now, all he did was turn to face the gorgeous man beside him and chased his lips until he caught them with his own. He pressed close, trying to regain his composure in the moment of calm, but it was difficult...especially when he realized his hand was rubbing slowly down Xe's side of its own accord, heading beneath the fabric of his pants. 

He didn't anticipate that he'd be swatted away or anything, so he steeled himself and took a grip on Xe's length and gave it a tug. If this was a competition, he wasn't winning, and he had to at least even the score.

Xehanort let out a breath he was unaware he had been holding the moment nimble fingers wrapped around his cock. He froze for just a moment and let out a low curse reserved for only the dirtiest of sailors. 

Now, who's turn was it to be the blushing virgin? 

His hips thrust themselves forward on their own accord like there was some kind of disconnect between his mind and his body. 

Maybe this wasn't a competition. But Xehanort was determined to win.

Eraqus, for all his inexperience and all of his nerves, was committed to...well, whatever this was. He didn't have a name for it, but he had a bunch of feelings about it.

He wanted to stroke Xehanort within an inch of his life. Then have Xehanort perhaps try something else on him. What that was, he was pretty sure he mostly knew but had absolutely no frame of reference for. 

Eraqus released Xehanort's length and pushed his shoulders back to lay him down on his bed. He slung a leg over his hips and hovered over top of him, lips set to ghost across his mouth, down his chin, and settle needy and sloppy on his neck. 

"Xehanort, take control of this or I will be forced to..." He delivered a few nips to his skin as his hand found Xe's dick once more and stroked it up and down over and over, "And I have no idea what I am doing, so, please, please..." He exhaled warmly against his neck, "Put me through the mattress."

That little command was all Xehanort needed to hear to shake himself out of the virginal state of mind. Because while it was true that he had never been with a man before, he certainly knew something of what he was doing, right? 

With a swift motion, he turned the tides again, now hovering over top of Eraqus, settled between two strong legs. A few more messy kisses, some deep purple bruises or two, and he was reaching beyond Era's head to dig around in his nightstand for a while. For an awkwardly long time, really. There were a few curses and some grumbling before he made a triumphant little sound and came back with a vial of something silky clutched in his hand. 

"Sure, fine," Xehanort said finally as he slicked up a finger with the shimmery liquid and set it to the side. "I'll take control. But I'll have you know, I like being taken care of too." 

Perhaps he should have asked or explained his logic behind what he was about to do but he was inexperienced. So he just slipped a finger inside of the other, waiting for a reaction. And when he got one, he waited until he added another. 

Truth be told he could have stayed like this all night long. Just like this. From this angle he could see his fingers disappear, could watch Era's squirms, could even control the angle to some degree. But his cock called out for attention, still rock hard despite being woefully neglected the last few moments.

When he was certain that Eraqus was ready, or as certain as he could have been, he guided the head of his cock to his waiting hole. And without much more of a warning than that, he thrust inward. 

The immediate sensation was tight. So tight he almost couldn't move. But after a while, he managed to build up a little bit of pace. He watched Era's face, hoping that the momentary discomfort would give way to something much different than that. 

In order to help that feeling along, Xehanort stroked him again, his fingers still slick with lube, allowing for a smoother motion. 

He was sure he was moaning. He just wasn't aware of it.

Era rolled his eyes as Xehanort leaned over him to search through his drawer. He took the moment of awkward searching to run his hands over Xe's beautifully muscled sides. 

He'd never say it out loud, but he was…just...perfect. And as he leaned up to suck a purple mark into the skin of Xe's chest, he managed to get just a little bit harder. When he found whatever he'd been looking for, and their faces lined up for a moment, he took the opportunity to steal a kiss.

He spoke in a whisper, a breath away from Xe's lips.

“I promise, next time, I'll take care of you.”

He wondered if that sentence would come back to haunt him, but as he was about to overthink it, he was suddenly derailed by the feeling of Xehanort's finger as it pressed inside him. He half-yelped and almost shied away from the touch, but quickly resolved to see how this would actually play out before he'd run away.

Eraqus knew the mechanics of this, but didn't expect it to feel this way--odd, invasive, a little bit uncomfortable, but also, strangely good. He let Xehanort continue, and as he got used to the sensation of one finger, Xehanort added another. 

The raven-haired man had let go enough to actually enjoy what Xehanort was doing to him and he gave every indication. He was staring, his gaze heated and full of intent with his jaw slack and eyebrows a little bit furrowed. He wasn't even trying to hold back the little whines and moans anymore.

At the moment before Xehanort pushed his length inside of Eraqus, there was a flicker of doubt...but as Xe pushed himself forward, it all went away. Era felt the burn, the pressure, and for a second he almost asked for stop...but it was so temporary. 

"Hearts, Xehanort!" Eraqus hissed at him, looking up at that pretty face and blushing so hard that his cheeks hurt, "You..ahh--you could have warned me."

Eraqus feigned anger, but it was obviously a facade.

Xehanort went motionless for a moment, murmuring to himself and biting his lip. 

Era still wasn't used to it, but all the whining in the world wasn't going to make that happen. 

He yanked Xehanort down into a heated kiss, tongue finding its way between Xe's lips as he clung to his shoulders for dear life.

It felt odd, and a little less comfortable than he would have hoped, but ultimately, he could hang on. As Xe started to move, he saw sparks.

He was nearly so dumbstruck by the sudden pick up in speed that the inherent weirdness and relative discomfort of being penetrated by his best friend were secondary to the terrifying and amazing sensations making him gasp and whine through their needy mouths. He had asked for this. And Xehanort was kind enough to provide. 

His fingertips pressed hard into those deep tan shoulders as the feelings in his belly got hotter and tighter with each thrust of Xe's hips and stroke of his hand. He let him know it felt amazing with each shuddering breath as Xehanort fell into a throbbing rhythm.

Hearts, he wanted him to go faster. He wanted more. He was greedy and desperate, and this was everything he'd ever wanted.

"Xe--," he was begging and he did not care. He was losing all cognitive function, "Xe, hearts, please..." he ghosted his lips against the white-haired man's, “h--harder, Xe--,”

Xehanort counted himself as one of the luckiest men in the entire world at that moment. He had the single most gorgeous man ever beneath him moaning, begging, for more. 

For what it was worth, Xehanort was a little uncomfortable too. Eraqus was impossibly tight and he was half certain he wouldn't even be able to move once the action started. 

But in the end, there was nothing to worry about because of course Eraqud was eager to please, to be pleased, and Xehanort could barely handle it. He wasn't sure what he expected but it wasn't this moaning mess of sexual energy he had in his arms at that moment. 

Xehanort was more than happy to oblige.

Harder he went. And the harder he went the closer and closer to his orgasm he came. He could feel that familiar twist of pleasure and pressure building in the deep pit of his belly. 

He only just realized that he'd been biting his own lip so hard it nearly drew blood. He released it and let out an involuntary moan directly into Eraqus' mouth.

Eraqus' internal monologue was nothing but a stream of breathy curses and some of them leaked out of his mouth as Xehanort managed to give him exactly what he needed with very little guidance on his part. Not that he would have been able to actually guide him at all, but regardless of that, he was completely lost in what was happening between the two of them. Xehanort, whether anyone else would agree or not, was fucking Eraqus within an inch of his life and he wanted it.

The noises Xehanort was making were intoxicating and addicting. He didn't know what he'd do to hear this man's moans and the lewd smack of their flesh again, but he knew in his heart that he'd keep trying until he could. 

He hadn't, however, paused to think that this was Xehanort in any real sense. Of course, he knew it was him, but he hadn't quite festered long enough on what that really meant. This was his best friend and rival that he played chess with and exchanged witty quips with...and apparently, now, had sex with. He'd look back later and wonder why this didn't feel more unnatural than it did...but for now, he was gone.

Eraqus was left to hold on for dear life to any part of Xehanort he could reach. His hands gripped at his sides, his back, his hips, literally anywhere his hands came to rest was fair game. He was certain he was going to die, but the grip on his skin and a few moments of thinking about anything else bought them both a few choice minutes more. 

But Era knew he couldn't hold on forever. 

He had to turn his face away from Xe, just so he could breathe, but it didn't help. He was going to come undone and there was no way he could stop it.

"Xe, I'm--I'm--," he breathed, shuddering through the strokes and thrusts and every ripple of pleasure, voice shaking a little through his pleas, "I'm gonna--"

He would have been chastising himself for not holding it back, but his mind had chosen that moment to go on vacation. 

It happened fast and it happened hard. He almost didn't make a single sound other than a few held, then released breaths into Xe's clavicle as he came all over his stomach and clung to the other man desperately. His whole body had tensed, then all at once released, leaving him feeling like pulled rubber and light-headed, but still somehow quiet inside.

Even if that only lasted for a moment before reality hit, it was worth it.

While Xehanort was no blushing virgin, he was still surprised that he was able to hold out this long. It was easy with the girls. If anything, it was hard to finish with them. Something he had to close his eyes and try at. But here and now he found himself slipping into an orgasm so fast and so easy that his mind was numb with it. 

As soon as Eraqus began to topple over the edge, Xehanort happily helped him along, ever the agent of chaos. He resumed his previous motion of stroking his cock wit languid, lazy pumps of his fist, only speeding up as Eraqus' whines reached a crescendo. 

Feeling Eraqus' body tighten and twitch around his cock nearly drove him over the edge. He half felt like it was cruel to continue fucking his best friend after he came, what sort of oversensitivity would he experience? But he never claimed to be a particularly considerate lover. So he just kept canting his hips at a breakneck pace until his balls tightened and he unloaded deep inside the other. 

That after-come shame was already kicking in. 

He did his best to ignore it for now. 

He pulled himself gingerly out of the other and reached for dirty clothes to quickly deal with the mess they had just made. Then he just collapsed, all limp limbs, onto the bed beside Eraqus.

Unsurprisingly, it took Xehanort a little longer to finish than it did Eraqus. It was strange to be coming down while Xehanort wound all the way up, but not wholly unpleasant. A little raw, perhaps, but he was mostly accepting of discomfort anyway. 

He also desperately wanted Xehanort to feel the way he had. He wanted that for him, but he'd never admit that out loud. 

It did mean he got to be almost coherent while Xehanort came undone inside him and he was exceedingly aware when he did. Xehanort's face was such a mixture of things. 

When it was over and Xe was beside him, he couldn't stop looking at him.

Eraqus had no idea what to say...or if there was anything he should say.

There had to be a protocol here he didn't know about, right? 

But he simply lay there, feet on the bed, knees bent, his arm across his stomach and breathing. Just...breathing and trying not to feel ashamed. 

He halfway didn't believe that just happened...

He absolutely didn't want to think about the fact that he now felt very...cold. And...wet. And...hearts, sore.

Wasn't this supposed to be wonderful? When it had been happening, yes...it was. But now?

He gulped and turned his face away from Xehanort. He couldn't muster the courage to look at him again even though his hands wanted to touch him. His mouth wanted to kiss him. 

The conflict felt so wrong. But giving into it felt wrong too. And he had no idea which wrong felt less wrong. This pull in his chest was painful...especially when it was being denied like this. 

He could say something. If he couldn't look at Xehanort, he could speak to him. He deserved that much.

"Are...are you alright?"

Xehanort was on a similar ride right then and there. But in his room with the door closed, he could pretend that the outside world didn't exist. He didn't have to think about the masters or the man who took him in and the sharp crack of that whip on his back. 

He didn't have to worry about what would happen if someone found out. So maybe he felt a little looser here than Eraqus did. Though it was hard not to feed off the energy that was pouring off the raven-haired boy at that moment. 

"Yeah I'm fine," he said as he cleared his throat, trying to shake that haze out of his eyes. "You're not, though." He reached forward and tilted Era's chin back so he could get a good look at him and those honey-brown eyes. "Relax, Era."

He didn't expect that sort of patience from Xe. Of all the words he used to describe him, 'Patient' was not on that list and this sudden show of tenderness made his shoulders feel a little less tense. 

He inhaled, breath a little shaky. Eraqus had the hardest time letting his guard down...and here it was, all the way down, and he almost couldn't cope with how vulnerable he felt. 

He nodded at Xehanort and tried to let all those bad thoughts go. Because even if someone found out, even if nothing would ever be right again, he was fine right now.

"Yeah. I'm trying."

Era bit his lip before he pushed himself up just a little and gave Xehanort a soft kiss that he didn't pull back from quickly. 

Whatever he wanted to say, he hoped he could through that kiss. The words were too much right now.

Xehanort let that kiss sink in for a while. Understandably, the fire from it was gone. It was filled with something else that the poet in Xehanort wanted to call potential. 

He was physically exhausted and mentally wiped out. So much had just happened. He had to wrap his mind around the fact that he'd just had sex with his best friend who also happened to be another man, two things that he never thought would have happened even in his wildest dreams. 

And the longer he let that sink in, the more nervous he got. 

"We should get some rest," he said. "Tomorrow doesn't wait for anyone."

Eraqus backed himself off slowly, unable to truly comprehend everything...which was weird for him. 

He had so many things to ask Xehanort.

What's this mean for us?

Was this a one-time thing?

...How can we just be friends again? 

But those were things he didn't dare say. This was one of those moments he was sure had just gotten away from them, right? Two guys, who misread the signals? Two people who just...went too far.

When Xe spoke, Eraqus gave a nod and began to get to his feet to let Xehanort sleep and became very aware of how truly sore he really was.

"No-- hey," he said as he reached out and wrapped his hand around Eraqus' wrist. "No. Stay. Please. I'll set the alarm this time."

Eraqus looked down at the pretty boy beside him. He really could use the closeness...so ultimately he nodded and laid back down. 

"I...okay. I'll stay..." He managed to roll onto his side with a wince to face Xehanort. He cuddled just a tiny bit closer and made eye contact from his place on the pillow and...grinned accidentally before he shut his eyes.

Xehanort was gonna keep talking. Maybe apologize for whatever discomfort Eraqus was feeling. But before he could open his mouth, the other boy was closing his eyes. 

Xehanort leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Eraqus' nose before laying back down and closing his eyes too. 

Maybe this would work. They could love each other in private. But they could still love, right? 

It was with that thought that Eraqus closed his eyes and went to sleep. 

A few hours later he was awoken by the sound of his alarm, as promised. Except he had set it a little bit early so he could sneak down to the mess hall and grab some grub for both of them to eat before they went out to face the day. 

Sure the masters hated it when they ate in their quarters but whatever. They probably would hate the thing they did the night before more than that. 

Xehanort felt oddly giddy as he pulled on his pants and tugged his robe over his shoulders. He had a secret. A lovely, sleeping secret. And he didn't have to share it with anyone. 

He crept through the halls to the mess hall and gathered up an armful of food. Some fresh fruit and oatmeal piled on his tray were all he took with him but he figured Eraqus wouldn't want to eat much anyway. They had training first thing in the morning again.  
It was as he was creeping back through the hall that everything changed. 

"Xehanort," came the familiar voice of his master from down the hall. Xehanort winced, turning around slowly, sure he was about to get chastised for being out of bed or sneaking food back to his dorm. 

There was also a part of him that was nervous that somehow she had found out about having Eraqus in his room the night before. 

The truth was much, much more grave than that. 

His master walked towards him with an urgency that he hadn't ever seen before. Under her eyes were dark bags that only accentuated the worry written clearly across her face. 

"Master-- what--" 

"There's no time for questions. You're needed. Badly. Off-world. There's been an uprising. A plague of darkness. We're calling everyone in. Even the young masters in training--" 

"What about Eraqus?" he tried to sound nonchalant and failed. 

"No. We need him here. You are our most promising student." 

For some reason, to Xehanort, that just sounded like code for "most disposable." 

The food in his arms felt heavy now. 

"O-okay. When... when do I leave?" 

The master reached her strong arms out and plucked the food right out of his arms. 

"Now. Your ship is waiting. Goodbye, Xehanort."


	5. Amnesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of reunion fluff to make up for the cliffhanger and all the heck we're going to put you through in the future.

Eraqus had been alone for much of his life. 

His parents died early, his family dumped him at the most convenient location, he had very few close friends in spite of the fact that he was well liked in general.

He'd been alone a lot.

But he'd never felt this alone. 

Even now, six months after Xehanort had left, Eraqus could perfectly recall the morning after they had slept together. 

He'd been awakened by the alarm, as Xehanort had promised. 

He'd shut it off and rolled over to maybe kiss the boy awake if he had the courage...

To find him nowhere to be seen.

He'd managed to climb out of bed and walk somewhat normally as he checked every place he normally found Xehanort...

But he never found him.

He asked the masters.

No one would answer. 

The second day without Xehanort was the first day Eraqus ever took off. 

He searched high and low from dawn till dusk.

He never found him.

He'd never admit it, but he cried a lot that day. To be that vulnerable… to put himself out there only to have those feelings smacked to oblivion by the crushing weight of pure loneliness and absolute fear was--well, it was terrible. 

He felt so foolish.

He'd leaped before looking and came up without a net to catch him.

Two weeks without Xehanort and the crying didn't stop. 

By one month, he had taken to burying his feelings in the flesh of one of the third year girls. If nothing else he wanted to prove he wasn't broken. He needed to know he wasn't used up...

He needed to know he wasn't in love. 

But each time got harder. 

Each time he hated himself more. 

Until one day he stopped. Stopped talking to anyone. 

And started watching out the window.

Six months. 

Each moment was longer than the last, each trip to stare out the window and wait to see him strolling confidently up to the castle, only to end up watching the sunset over the sea like a young wife whose husband was off in a war, was pure torture.

He hated how much of a pull there was between himself and Xehanort.

He hated how beautiful he thought that man was...And how when their skin rushed together, it made his knees feel weak.

Worst of all? He hated, loathed, and despised, the way he didn't hate any of those things. 

Today, he'd given up on watching out the window.

He sat by the fire. It was cold outside, but he was snug beneath a blanket with his book on his lap.

\---

It had been six months of pure hell. 

The masters glorified it. They glorified the way the battle against the darkness would look. They didn't dare let it slip that the valiant light that they fought so hard to protect was actually shrouded in a darkness of its own. That there was death and hunger and uncertainty in every single step that you took. 

He'd made friends in the beginning. Just friends. Because he knew he had someone to come home to. Sure, he expected that Eraqus would be furious with him. But he didn't have a choice. 

If there was any way to get a message to him, he would have. Besides, the masters would tell his classmate where he had gone, right? There was no reason to worry. So he felt no guilt in making a friend. 

Guilt was the least of his worries, though. Because two months in, he was the last man standing. Swinging a borrowed keyblade, he was the last not-yet-master in the whole mess. It was at that moment that he realized that he had been sent there to die. 

It was at that moment that he began to realize that the masters knew nothing of the light. Knew nothing of the true hearts of men.

So he made it his goal to learn. It was difficult to do in between the fighting and saving a world. When he wasn't finding somewhere safe to sleep, he was fighting off strange creatures. He kept a journal, writing down everything he learned. 

He missed home. He missed Destiny Island. He missed those brief clips of memories that he had when times were good and he was young. 

He missed Scala ad Caelum. 

He missed Eraqus.

All the learning in the world, all the fighting, could never satisfy his thirst for that man. And this distance was only making things worse. 

And when the time came for Xehanort to be ruthless, he was ruthless. Just like the masters wanted him to be. The whole reason he was asked to go on this mission in the first place. 

He came back to Scala ad Caelum with blood on his hands. Human blood.

It was night when he made his return home. He just wanted to shower, sleep in his own bed, and eat a hot meal without having to watch over his shoulder for once. He was jumpy when the other students stopped him in the hall to say hello. 

It seemed as though no one knew where he had gone. 

Xehanort took this information and headed to his room, passing the chess room on the way. 

It was almost purely by accident that Xehanort looked into the doorway. Habit, nothing else. 

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Eraqus there, not even sure what to say.

\--

Era had been dosing off in his chair, eyes droopy and still very red and puffy from a mixture of sleeplessness and tears. 

So when he saw that face from across the room--

That pretty face with white hair grown long and unruly...

He almost didn't believe it. 

Eraqus blinked and rubbed at his eyes that felt like they had sand under the lids. He sat up slowly, carefully, and with record amounts of trepidation.

"Xehanort?" His voice was just above a croaky whisper as if saying his name too loud would break the entire dream and he'd be sucked away into the void.

Xehanort felt so heavy. He hadn't had a good meal or a safe place to sleep in six months. He hadn't seen a friendly face in at least three. He was so overwhelmed he just didn't know what to do.

He lifted a hand and waved a little, feeling sheepish. "Hey."

Eraqus wanted to run to him. 

He wanted to run over and wrap Xehanort up in his arms and shower him in greedy kisses, but the thing about Eraqus was: he was also very angry. 

He stood up from his chair and padded quietly over to the white-haired man. 

It was such an odd sensation, feeling his heart soar in relief only to be made aware that he was still, in fact, quite miffed that this man had slept with him then left without saying goodbye. 

He looked him over, biting back every word he could have said that would betray his feelings on the matter.

"Are you injured?" His voice sounded cold, even to himself.

"Um," he said, looking down at himself to assess his injuries. "Not currently."

Era nodded, seemingly registering that answer.

"Good."

And without another moment's hesitation, he slugged Xehanort directly in his gut. "Then I don't feel so bad about that."

He stood there a moment, trying to savor a sense of satisfaction, but it never came. 

Eraqus brushed past him, heading into the hallway.

Xehanort couldn't see him biting back tears. He couldn't see that Era had missed him so terribly and that seeing him again was like being handed the other half of his heart back. 

He was mad.

He felt betrayed. 

And Eraqus' pride was in the way.

Xehanort doubled over a little when the punch to his gut came out of nowhere. He wasn't sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn't that. 

He gave a little gasp as he straightened up, a confused expression across his face. "You ass-- what was that for?!" Though, if he paid attention to the nagging feeling in his gut, he had a pretty good idea exactly what that was for. 

He wasn't going to give up that easy. He turned around and followed after Eraqus. 

"Hey! I'm--," he lowered his voice. "I'm sorry, okay?! I didn't have a choice!"

Eraqus laughed, or...really, rather scoffed, trying to hide the fact that there was genuinely some hint of hurt behind his actions. 

"You're sorry. Great. That'll give me the last six months back. And you really expect me to believe you didn't have a choice?" He even tried to walk faster, just trying to put some distance between them, "You know, you're a lot of things, but I never pegged you for being a liar, Xehanort."

Eraqus only stopped when his hand was on his doorknob. His throat was burning with rage and tears held back and his chest seemed to shake with shuddering, unsure breaths as he just tried to save face for a few more seconds.

"I don't care where you were or what you did..." his hand shook against the knob and he drew his shoulders up to hide his face, "I...was foolish to think I was more important to you than I am. But I did at least think as a friend you'd give me some explanation rather than simply run from me."

Xehanort looked confused for a moment like he was trying to wrap his head around what Eraqus had just said. But that only lasted for a moment before his usual cold, expressionless stare returned. 

"Right," he said. Sure, he felt the need to correct him. Because it was true, Xehanort hadn't had a choice. He wasn't lying. But he would be god damned if he groveled at anyone's feet for forgiveness. And if Eraqus was dead set on seeing him as a monster, so be it. 

Maybe it would make the truth of what he knew he had to do a little easier to swallow, eventually. 

"Well. I guess that's that, then," he said as he slung his pack off his shoulder again and looked down the hall towards his quarters. "I guess I'll see you around."

Eraqus opened his door, feeling his anger and sadness spike all at once and the dam he'd built to hide his emotions crumpled like a cheap suit. 

He spun around to face Xehanort and though he knew he was about to cry, he kept his gaze even. 

"I guess so, Xehanort. I guess we're done here," the finality of the statement made him shiver in what he could only define as fear, "I guess all the days I sat here missing you were just for nothing. What a waste of my time."

Xehanort turned back around to look at Eraqus. There was something in those words that just didn't make sense, a sort of desperation he had never heard before. 

"What, and you think it was easy for me?" he said, not daring to take a step closer for fear he took a swing or kissed him or some strange mix of both. "You think I had a good old time fighting those... those things? Losing friends? Not having a warm place to sleep or a meal in my belly? Tell me, Eraqus, how hard was it for you to sit here in the castle and wait for my return?"

Eraqus stopped dead and narrowed his eyes at Xehanort.

"Nobody would tell me where you were," he bit back, though he knew he shouldn't have given what Xehanort had said and if he'd taken time to process it, he may not have pressed the matter. He may have thrown his arms around Xehanort instead, but he was just too proud.

"No one would answer me...and I looked for you and I never found you."

He shook his head, getting angrier as he thought about just what kind of asshole he was actively being.

"Xehanort, they all told me to give up. Said you were gone for good...I lost you and now you're just back and--," he had to shut up. He had to.

Xehanort couldn't help but think about how pretty Eraqus was when he was mad. In fact, it was all he thought about the entire time the other man spoke. So much so that he hardly heard a word the guy was saying. 

When Eraqus was done talking, Xehanort just shrugged. "Want to go get a drink tonight?"

Eraqus actually paused. 

For once in his entire life, his mind had no reasonable explanation or clap back or really anything to say...

He'd gone from not seeing Xe, to reading Xehanort the riot act, to being asked to go somewhere? 

His head was spinning. 

He lifted his hand to gesticulate while he spoke, but no words came out. 

Eraqus pressed his lips together and wiped his eyes before he let his hand fall back to his side.

There were a million and a half things he wanted to say, but absolutely nothing would come out. 

So, he looked down at his feet, feeling his rage subside as his train of thought was derailed. 

"Are you serious?" He looked up at Xehanort with narrow eyes, as if expecting it to be a trick. 

Eraqus shut his door quietly and gave a small nod, calling Xe's bluff, if it was one. 

"I think I'd rather try the bonfire this time..."

Xehanort knew he had thrown Eraqus for a loop there. Hell, he wasn't expecting it himself. But he had been to war for six months. He didn't want to come home and immediately fight with the only friendly face he had ever known.

"Good," he said. "Bars aren't quite my scene anymore." 

As if nothing unusual at all had happened, Xehanort jerked his head toward his room. "I need to go clean up though. I don't think I've had a proper shower in weeks. So. Give me a bit and I'll be ready to go."

Eraqus continued to stare at him for maybe a beat too long. He really, truly, was expecting to fight him just then and the fact that Xehanort more or less suffocated the flames of his anger within a few lines of speech was quite unprecedented and made Eraqus a little uneasy.

Then there was the fact that no one had been able to address what had happened between them before Xehanort had left...but it didn't seem like the best time to shove that in his face.

But he wanted to. 

He also very much wanted to throw his arms around Xe's neck and kiss him until his lungs would inevitably give out.

But, again...was now the time?

Eraqus straightened himself up and gave a nod.

"Of course...I'll, uh...see you soon."

\--

As soon as he crossed the threshold to his room, Xehanort took one look at his bed. Someone had come in and tidied up while he was gone. He didn't even have time to think about what they might have found, he just took a few steps forward and flopped down on his bed. The noise he made was unholy. 

It felt like coming home. 

Xehanort nearly fell asleep there but quickly reminded himself that he needed to shower and dress and meet Eraqus down at the bonfire. 

He made quick work of the shower even if he wanted to stay in there forever as well. Then he dressed in the clothes he always wore at school. They were freshly laundered and smelled familiar, which was odd because he couldn't remember when that smell stopped being his smell and started to be something of a distant memory.

A few minutes later he headed out to meet Eraqus, showered and ready to party. 

Or sleep, honestly. It was hard to say which.

\--

Eraqus hadn't done anything special...

...Besides take an insanely thorough shower during which he scrubbed, clipped, and trimmed every single part of his body for absolutely no reason in particular.

He fluffed his hair, and for once, he left it down in raven black waves. He put on his typical clothes, though...he didn't want to make it seem like he was trying too hard. 

When he was dressed and ready, he found his way to the hallway and quite literally, bumped into Xehanort.

Xehanort wasn't paying attention either. He was busy looking out the window, sort of lost at the idea of being back. It felt so small now, being here. It had only been six months and already he felt like he had outgrown his boyhood home. 

He stumbled a little when Eraqus bumped into him but caught his footing easy enough. 

"Hey again," he said as he started to walk. He felt like he had to keep moving or else he'd have to face the reality of the situation, of what had gone on between them and then after. 

"So. Tell me. What've I missed?"

The bump had been slight, but it was enough to cause Era to short circuit just the slightest bit. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, looking at his shoes with a light tinge of pink splashed across his cheeks as he pushed his hair back behind his ear.

...but Xe was seemingly as cool as ever.

Maybe what had happened wasn't as big a deal as he thought? That certainly uncomplicated some things, but it also made him a tiny bit resentful. 

He looked up as Xehanort began to walk and followed after him for a few quick steps before they fell into a synchronized gate.

"Not much..." he wasn't lying, but he wasn't completely telling the truth. He wasn't about to tell Xehanort about the girls or the crying or the endless shameful thoughts about him.

"You know how it is here...nothing happens," he sighed and looked anywhere but at Xehanort, "What...um...what about you? What'd I miss with you?"

Xehanort got the feeling that Eraqus wasn't telling the whole truth and he was going to call him on it before the guy shot the question back at him. He wasn't exactly able to tell the whole truth either. He couldn't. He was home now, he didn't want to go right back to living that nightmare all over again. 

As they walked, Xehanort spoke. "Well. I, uh... I learned a lot," he rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I'll be able to kick your ass in training from here on out." 

That was putting it mildly. Xehanort had become a skilled fighter and had even picked up some skill in magic, which was something he was entirely terrible at in school. He still hadn't mastered the art of cloning himself in battle, but it certainly didn't matter in the heat of the moment. He was working on it. 

The rounded the corner and stepped onto the docks. There were already people there, many of them cheered, half-drunk, at the sight of Xehanort.

Eraqus knew he was hiding something AND that something had to be pretty intense, but he left it alone and focused on the apparent challenge instead.

"Is that so? Well, I guess we'll see about that. You're often mostly talk."

As they came upon the gaggle of people and they began cheering, Eraqus actually jumped. His hands latched onto Xehanort's arm, but let go as soon as he realized what he'd done.

"You're, uh...quite popular."

Xehanort didn't blush, but he didn't seem to revel in the attention like he usually did, either. 

"They're just itching to ask me where I've been," he said as he looked around for a keg of something amber and intoxicating. He was exhausted. Why did he come up with this idea? 

"Did someone bring beer? Do they still do beer at these things?"

Eraqus made a face that was somewhere between a frown and what could be described as a 'bleh'. 

"I'm sure they do...though I haven't been anywhere since--," he paused and turned red. Thank Kingdom Hearts it was dark or he'd have thrown himself clean off the pier, "Since...well. Since the last time."

You remember? The night you kissed me and started this whole mess?

He shook it off and looked about, seeing a gaggle of particularly slumped and sweaty individuals and elbowed Xehanort lightly in his side.

"Looks like they might know..."

Xehanort squared his shoulders and looked over his peers. Already he felt so far away from them. Maybe they were the same age, but he felt like he had nothing in common with these people. Nothing in common with anyone but Eraqus. 

He shook his head and tossed some silver hair behind his shoulders. He found a particularly sandy spot where fewer people were and pointed, "I think that one's more my style."

Eraqus glanced over and narrowed his eyes.

"There? Away from your..." he gestured broadly, "them? Are you sure?"

He was more than happy to oblige, but to make the decision that didn't make him the center of attention was an odd one for Xehanort. 

"I'm alright with that..." he gulped as he looked at the sweaty men all but claiming the keg of alcohol for themselves, "I suppose I could go fetch you a drink...for a small price."

"A price?" Xehanort said with a little half smirk as he started to pad across the sand, lingering by the flickering fire as he passed. "What's the price, then?"

Eraqus stepped close, probably a little closer than normal best friends would stand, and nearly whispered.

"Forgiveness," he looked down at his feet, "I didn't mean a word of what I said before. And I'm sorry I punched you..."

Xehanort's jaw almost dropped open at that. He looked at Eraqus, a little sheepish, contemplating what to say next. He wanted to just agree because of course, he forgave Eraqus. They deserved one day, right? One day where they could just continue where they left off, no questions asked, to make up for the time they'd lost six months ago. 

But, because he was Xehanort, he just smirked a little. "Well. We'll see. If you're lucky."

Era couldn't hide the smile that Xe's words brought to his face. 

Though with anyone else, he'd have retracted his statement immediately and perhaps even have gone so far as to slug them, this was Xehanort. And he was different.

Very different.

And Eraqus nearly fought himself to not utter what he was about to, but Xehanort left it wide open and Eraqus couldn't help himself.

He bit his lip.

"Perhaps if you're lucky, later I can show you how sorry I really am?" Again, so low that no one could hear it but them.

He suddenly wanted to throw himself into the ocean again. Damn it.

In a fantasy world, Xehanort would have responded with a sappy smile and an agreement to take him up on that later on. But instead what he felt was a weird mix of excitement and something a little more sour deep in his gut. 

It had been so long. Was it still the same? 

"Later," he said with a nod before taking a seat in the sand.

Eraqus did, in fact, pause for a moment to think too much about the tone of his voice and the way he moved...suddenly a little stiff. 

He panicked, internally, but hid it as he padded through the sand to the community keg and acquired a vessel to put the booze in. 

Had he said something wrong?

Maybe this whole time Xehanort hadn't been thinking of him the way Eraqus had been...

Maybe everything that happened before he left really didn't mean anything at all...

He felt his cheeks getting hot and felt his stomach turn. 

He looked up as he filled the cup, staring at Xehanort with a mixture of fear, longing, and...just plain sick.

But he only had half a second to think about it before he felt the cup flow over his fingers and he jumped back, shaking his hand off.

A lilty, pretty laugh stopped him in his tracks and he looked up, hoping to every deity he knew of that it wouldn't be--

"Eraqus! I thought I'd never see you again!"

He gulped and his eyes widened as he took the sight of her in. Of course, it was her.

"Iqra!" He hadn't meant to shout, but she'd very much surprised him and...well, frankly, he hadn't wanted to see her again.

Her carrot-red hair hung in delicate curls all around her face and seemed to glow golden in the firelight. Her skin was light, but bedecked with gorgeous little freckles all over her nose and the apples of her cheeks, and her eyes were dark brown and soulful; more doe than a human girl. 

Her body wasn't cut like the other masters in training, but she was physically fit. He remembered that much from having had his hands all over and inside her for the better part of a month while Xehanort had been away.

"You're looking...uh…" He went to rub the back of his head and realized he was still holding Xehanort's beer...he tipped it down his throat with a grimace and blinked through a hidden belch, "You're looking just fine."

She laughed and shook her head as she padded toward him, "Just fine? Is that all you have to say to an old friend, Eraqus?" 

Her fingers tapped up his sternum until they ghosted over his neck and stroked down his face. Her other arm came to rest around his waist. 

"Apologies…" He cleared his throat and pushed her away, but gently with a less than sincere grin, "How have you been?"

She pouted, or she seemed to. Her face was a little hard to read in the dim light. 

He could smell the alcohol on her breath and feel the heaviness of her touch.

"The last time I saw you, I was face down in your sheets--," she laughed again, her face inching closer to his at a steady pace, "Maybe this time we can face each other?"

He gulped again and was about to protest, but he soon felt her mouth against his, hoppy and soft, but--just not exactly what he wanted.

Regardless, and he couldn't have explained it, he let her pull him closer and she kissed him deeper--until he pushed back.

Xehanort watched all of this with a remarkable intensity from the other side of the bonfire. He probably looked like exactly what he was: a jealous fool. The flame flickered a bright pattern across his face as he watched their exchange, managing to keep his cool throughout the entire thing. 

At least externally, anyway. He locked eyes with Eraqus in the second before the girl kissed him. For a moment, Xehanort let himself imagine things. Because she was beautiful. He could almost see her naked between them in bed, Eraqus and Xehanort sharing her, even if just to see who could outperform the other. 

In the end, they'd end up forgetting her anyway. 

But that image only stuck with him for a moment or two before he felt that familiar sour sensation taking over his whole person. 

Oh, so this was what Eraqus had gotten up to while he was away. He had gotten brave, had he? Sure, it was selfish of him to assume that the master in training would wait for him, but Xehanort had never said he wasn't selfish. 

With a scowl on his pretty face, Xehanort stood up and brushed his pants free from the sand. He stalked off, heading for the docks again where things were less active.

Eraqus kept a firm hand on her chest as he'd pushed her back. He looked at her with narrowed eyes and that sick feeling in his stomach becoming ever more apparent. 

He'd seen those eyes beyond the bonfire. 

And they filled him with such a mixture of guilt, satisfaction, and guilt over that satisfaction that he couldn't have said he'd been present at all when she'd kissed him. 

Sure, it felt alright, but...only physically.

He watched her pout again even as she picked up his hand from her chest and held it kindly.  
"Iqra--," he gulped as he looked over for Xehanort, but only managed to see him walking away. He hung his head for a moment before he knew he had to finish his thought, "We both agreed this wasn't right--"

"No, Eraqus, you decided that..." she switched her weight to her other foot, nose pointing a bit into the air as she tried to gather up words to say, "Remember? That night you called me by someone else's name?"

Hearts above, he nearly clapped his hands over her mouth as she slurred that out of her face. He ripped his hand away and glared at her.

"You swore you'd never mention that," he was now more or less quietly screaming at her.

"And I haven't! Just reminding you that you're the one who called things off..." she turned to look at the sand where Xehanort had been, "It looks like he might not be as interested as you are..."  
Eraqus shook his head, panic rising in his veins, "As I said before, I'm not interested in him or anyone. It was a mistake. Nothing more."

She raised her hands, signaling she meant no harm, "Alright, alright. No need to get your panties in a bunch, Eraqus, I understand."

He sighed, shoulders falling to a more relaxed position and he dragged his hand through his hair, then down his face. 

"Okay. I know...I'm sorry. I...I didn't mean to get angry with you."

Iqra quirked an eyebrow, "That was you angry? Wow. You need to work on that. You're terrible at it."

Eraqus paused and honestly smirked a little at that one before he shook his head. 

"I have a feeling I will be very adept at showing anger by the time this life is through with me."  
He brushed past Iqra, got another cup of beer for Xehanort, and started away.

 

He could smell the water even over the alcohol and fire. And he could hear the waves over the din of the people. 

Era came up behind Xe, being certain to make noise so he'd know he was coming.

He tapped the mug against Xehanort's bicep.

"Here. As promised."

Xehanort was looking out at the water, telling himself he didn't need to go home. He could just sit here and deal with this, and not be a jealous little brat. 

He was lying, of course. He couldn't do any of those things. 

He heard the familiar gait of his best friend coming up behind him and he stiffened his back. When the other sat down beside him, he lifted his voice to mimic the girl's. "Oh! Eraqus! Fancy seeing you here!"

Eraqus' eyes got big for a moment and he leaned away instinctively before his face settled into a slightly annoyed purse of his lips and quirk of his brow. 

He sighed and leaned forward, arms resting on his thighs, trying to look impatient or at the very least unmoved by the show of jealousy.

No, his heart didn't beat just a little faster and whoever says it did is a liar.

He licked his lips and nodded at Xehanort.

"Are you quite finished?"

Xehanort actually rolled his eyes before looking back at the water, clearly pouting. "How long did it take you to fall into bed with dear Iqra? She has a mouth on her, doesn't she? Honey sweet. Intoxicating. Wouldn't you agree?"

Eraqus suppressed a gulp. 

Why did he feel like he was in some sort of trouble?

He'd really done nothing wrong, but it was abundantly clear that Xehanort did not appreciate the liaison with Iqra.

As much as it made sense to Eraqus that Xehanort should be upset, it also, quite frankly, did not. 

Xehanort had been known to have casual sex on a weekly basis before what happened between him and Era. And no one had ever said they were exclusive after the fact. 

To be perfectly truthful, it hadn't even been implied that they were together.

Was he truly supposed to feel bad for trying to start over after his... whatever Xehanort was to him was presumed dead and he needed comfort? 

To be fair, he hadn't even been successful in the attempt to start over. It had only served to set him back.

He shook his head, suddenly feeling a bit like he didn't need to defend himself or his actions, "I don't see how that's your business, Xehanort...And yes, she's beautiful and generally alright I suppose."

He shuffled his robes around, trying to appear casual, "Why does it matter?"

Xehanort was going through all those same things in his own mind as he waited for a response. When it came, he simply shrugged his shoulders. "Well. I suppose it really doesn't." 

And it didn't. His own jealousy and irritation were a reflection on himself, mostly, not on Eraqus. But he wasn't exactly the most rational person in the world, was he? 

"I feel like I've come back to a different world," he said. "Like I'm... outside looking in."

Eraqus softened considerably as Xehanort spoke. He frowned slightly, his former indignation turning to shame at his tone. He hadn't seen him in months. He hadn't spoken to him in just as long and here he was offering a punch in his gut and rude words.

"You've only just come home, Xe..." his voice was low, much softer than before, "You've been away for so long...194 days, to be exact. You'll get back in the swing of things. Give yourself some time..."

Asking Xehanort to be patient was often like trying to get blood from a turnip, but he knew he wasn't wrong. He needed to reassure his friend, and the truth was the only way he knew how. 

"Where have you been all this time? What happened to you out there?"

Xehanort turned and offered up a halfhearted sneer."You counted?" the tease was light, though. Even out of character a little. But it felt good to know he had at least been missed. 

"I think I'm just tired." 

He turned his head and looked at Era for a long moment, seriously contemplating whether or not he should even let this spill. There had been so much that had happened, it had raised so many questions. He knew Eraqus wasn't ready to hear those same questions, would probably never be ready to question the morality of the masters of light that he held so dear. 

"There's... a sickness," he started slowly. "Growing in the world. It's-- it's infecting other worlds. Some of the weaker planets.. their hearts are going out entirely. Stars just blinking out of the sky. The masters sent me to fight it." 

He had his theories as to why that was, too. The masters knew he was ruthless. A hero that refused to kill was useless, at the end of the day. In order to truly put an end to evil, you have to be willing to become evil itself. A vicious cycle, sure, but surely Xehanort could handle it.

Eraqus had been poised to defend or maybe even deny the counting of the days that Xehanort was gone--but as he continued speaking, Eraqus focused purely on his words. 

"A sickness?"

Every syllable felt heavy in his mouth as the gravity of what Xehanort said began to sink in.

"So...entire worlds just...gone? And they sent an apprentice to fight it?"

Part of him didn't believe it and that same part of him didn't want to. He knew Xehanort was powerful, he knew he was strong, but regardless of that, he was still an apprentice. 

This raised more questions within Eraqus than it gave him answers.

Surely the masters wouldn't put a student in harm's way? Surely something this bad would have been talked about? He would have heard rumblings, at least.

"They sent you to fight and never told anyone?" He narrowed his eyes at the silver-haired man, "Xehanort, they denied they had anything to do with you being gone..."

Xehanort looked down at his hands as he spoke. That was the one part of this whole thing that didn't make sense to him. That no one seemed to have known where he was gone. It was almost like... "The masters sent me there thinking I wouldn't make it," he spoke his realization with certainty as soon as it popped into his head. "I don't think I was supposed to come back." 

That sounded like a conspiracy. Era wouldn't believe it ever in a thousand years. But it's the only conclusion he could come to.

Eraqus sat back a bit.

There was absolutely no reason for the masters to behave in such a way. There was nothing logical about it that he could see and therefore, all possible malicious or neglectful reasoning fell by the wayside. 

It couldn't be that they knew Xehanort was meant to die. It couldn't have been a suicide mission.

"Xehanort, I'm sure that wasn't it..." he kept his voice as low as he could. He feared Xe would take a counterpoint as a slight against him, but that was far from his intention, "You know there is sometimes a need for secrecy...you've been taught that much. Maybe they wouldn't tell me because they knew I'd go after you? Maybe no one knows about this so we can avoid causing panic?"

As much as he was trying to reconcile this for Xehanort to bring him some semblance of peace of mind, he was also speaking quite plainly to himself. 

But one thing kept popping up in his mind.

"...Were you successful? Where are the others?"

If Xehanort was any more well rested, he would probably have gotten angry. But instead, he just agreed. It was too far fetched, wasn't it? There was just no way the masters of light would behave like that. 

But... all the same... 

He cleared his throat a little bit and gripped his glass. It had gone half warm by now, but he felt no desire to drink it. "Well. I survived. I wouldn't say it was successful. I fought off the creatures without a problem but they just kept coming. We couldn't figure out where or why or how to stop it... we lost a lot of people. I'm relatively certain I'm the only survivor."

Era was afraid of that answer. 

Battles like that, hardship like that...it changed people. No wonder Xehanort was tired. No wonder he was a bit listless.

Eraqus didn't even know he had done it, but he felt his hand on Xehanort's back, rubbing in big slow circles as if that would erase all the things he'd said. He couldn't brush that weight off Xe's shoulders, no matter how deeply he wished he could. 

 

Regardless of the confusing parts of their relationship, Xehanort was his friend, and he hated that he couldn't remember the last honest smile he'd seen on his lips. 

"I'm--I'm so sorry. I'm so happy you're home, but I'm sorry. That couldn't have been easy..."

Xehanort froze when he felt the hand on the small of his back but he made no move to make Eraqus stop. His first instinct was to immediately fight against the other, not interested in pity. But he let his cooler head prevail. Eraqus wasn't showing him pity. He was showing him kindness. 

"It wasn't. But... I learned a lot," and that was an understatement. He turned and looked at Eraqus, his typically purple eyes now flecked with gold. "And I'm here now. So. All in all, it could be worse."

Eraqus found himself naturally leaning toward Xehanort just the smallest amount. 

Xehanort's troubles made his own seem small and he was suddenly a little ashamed of himself for ever thinking he was justified in his pain.

He found Xehanort's gaze through the blue-tinted moonlight and paused, but only briefly, as he noticed what he thought was a change in his eyes...

But without having seen him for so long, and the darkness, there was no way to be certain that his eyes hadn't always been that way.

"I'm really glad you're back..."

Xehanort could let himself be soft here. One soft moment in a sea of hard ones. He could relax and not let his pride or fear get in the way. No one was watching anyway, right? 

He let himself lean in some, his forehead barely brushing against Eraqus' shoulder. "I'm glad I'm back too."


End file.
